Let’s democratize this *insert business by making it more expensive

Let’s slice through the status quo, man. Let’s take this business, this purveyor of pedestrian products or services, and inject it with a hyperdermic of exclusivity. We’ll jack the price to a level that would make a Rockefeller blink, a price that screams, “This ain’t for the Joneses, this is for the goddamn Vanderbilts!”

Imagine, scenes ripped from a fever dream: diamond-encrusted briefcases for the corner bodega, bespoke toilet paper woven from the tears of angels (and maybe a bit of recycled hemp, gotta keep it green, baby). The logo? A middle finger sculpted from platinum, a glorious obscenity against the middlebrow masses.

We’ll create a waiting list longer than the Nile, a Kafkaesque labyrinth of qualification forms and hazing rituals. Only the truly dedicated, the ones willing to wade through a swamp of paperwork and obscenely high entry fees, will be deemed worthy. The product itself? Who cares! It’s the thrill of the hunt, the exhilaration of the unattainable we’re selling, a transcendent status symbol for the truly jaded consumer.

Think of it, a black market for groceries, a speakeasy for socks! We’ll turn the mundane into the mythical, the bourgeois into the bohemian. This won’t be a business, it’ll be a goddamn cult, a secret society where the password is “More is less, baby, and less is oh-so-very expensive!”

But beware, the Feds will be watching. This kind of radical chic can attract the squares, the squares with their regulatory tentacles and tax forms. We’ll have to operate on the fringes, become financial phantoms, Robin Hoods of exorbitant pricing, stealing from the unwashed masses and giving to… well, ourselves mostly, but hey, a little chaos is good for the soul, right?

So buckle up, chum, this ain’t your mama’s business model. We’re gonna democratize this whole damn racket by making it so exclusive it’ll make your head spin. Now, pass the mescaline and let’s get to work.

Imagine, a market where entry’s a one-way ticket to the stratosphere. Prices so high they’d make a junkie on a bender blush. We’re talking platinum plungers and diamond-encrusted toilet paper. Forget the corner store, this is the black market for the bourgeois elite. The hoi polloi can gawk at the chrome-plated shelves from the street, their noses pressed against the bulletproof glass.

This ain’t your daddy’s monopoly, this is a game for the financial daredevils, the ones who mainline risk and snort volatility for breakfast. The barriers to entry will be higher than a junkie strung out on angel dust. We’ll erect walls of red tape so thick they’d make Kafka weep. Permits that cost more than a politician’s bribe, licenses doused in the blood of firstborn children – the whole bureaucratic nightmare.

But for those who crawl through the barbed wire and wade through the paperwork swamp, oh, the rewards will be exquisite. Exclusivity so rare it’ll make a snowflake feel common. Products imbued with a mystical aura simply because of their price tag. A clientele so wealthy they could bathe in champagne and use hundred-dollar bills as drying towels.

This, my friend, is the new American Dream. Not a house with a white picket fence, but a chrome-plated coffin and a mausoleum so opulent it’ll make the pharaohs jealous. We’re gonna take the very idea of business and twist it into a grotesque parody, a funhouse mirror reflecting the absurdity of consumerism. It’ll be beautiful, man, beautiful and utterly insane.