Month: January 2025
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Nazi Salute
Ah, the Elon stans—how delightful their contradictions are! First, they deny: “It wasn’t a Nazi salute!” And yet, in the same breath, they invoke the shadow of Wernher von Braun, the man who quite literally rocketed from the swastika to the stars. Here lies the paradox of modern techno-fetishism: the absolute refusal to reconcile the…
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Casino Nation: The Havana Doctrine
It’s my long-but barely held together theory that the descendants of the Diaspora—no, not a Diaspora, but the Diaspora—are hellbent on remaking America in the image of 1957 Fulgencio Batista’s Havana. Think about it: a glossy, neon-lit illusion of freedom where vice reigns supreme, the rich ride roughshod over the poor, and every two-bit hustler…
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Tokenistan/Big in Japan
Y’all remember back when money was just… money? paces across stage Man, nowadays you got people investing their life savings in something called “MoonPuppyElonRocket Coin.” What kind of name is that? imitates crypto bro voice “Nah man, you don’t understand, it’s gonna revolutionize the way we buy digital pictures of bored monkeys… TO THE MOON!”…
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Survivor’s Guilt
As I was watching Los Angeles burn last week, I felt a deep, unshakeable crumminess. The flames seemed to carry with them a weight of history, of loss, and of survival itself. It was in that moment that the last few Paul McCartney albums I had been listening to—albums I hadn’t given much thought to—suddenly…
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Extras
Ah, cryptography! It’s like Andy Millman in Extras, no? At first, it presents itself as this pure, untouchable ideal—a bastion of privacy and individuality in a world determined to collapse all boundaries. It says, “No! I will not compromise!” But what happens? Reality intrudes. And what is reality if not the persistent erosion of the…
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A Mythology for the Distracted Age
Netflix and Amazon walk into a bar. Netflix orders a cocktail called The Cliffhanger, garnished with a hastily-scribbled napkin that says “Season 2 Coming Soon.” Amazon, meanwhile, demands the bartender blend every book on the shelf into a smoothie, then pours it over their own head while shouting, “This is what the people want!” Netflix’s…
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There are Guano Billionaires that I Respect More than Mark Andreessen.
By God, the guano billionaires—they had grit! They had vision! They were the last screaming lunatics with the guts to shovel mountains of bird shit into the cannons of empire and make the world kneel before their stinking altars. And I’ll be damned if I don’t respect them more than that pallid husk of a…
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Watching Miami Vice with the Ghost of Ronald Reagan at Midnight
There he was, the Gipper himself, grinning like a Cheshire cat fresh out of Hell, sitting cross-legged on the couch, a fog of spectral smugness curling around him. On the screen, Crockett and Tubbs were locked in a neon-soaked cocaine bust, their pastel suits radiant under the glow of South Beach debauchery. Somewhere in the…
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Ashes in the Ledger
Sometimes I wonder how many social democrats and Jews of all extractions—bankers, pharmacists, tailors, teachers—found their hands brushing against the paper edges of stock certificates for Audi, Bayer, Hugo Boss, Thyssen, IG Farben, Krupp. How many of them sat in cramped apartments in Berlin or Vienna, trying to reconcile their progressive ideals or ancestral guilt…
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Greenland Meme