Tag: Thomas Pynchon

Mason & Dixon

The flickering neon of a roadside diner cast a sickly green glow on Mason’s face. The Pennsylvania night crawled with static. Fireflies blinked like short circuits in the swamp, and the air thrummed with unseen frequencies. 

He tapped a manicured nail against the chipped Formica, the rhythm echoing the digital thrumming in his pocket – a bootleg newsfeed pulsing with whispers of conspiracies.

Mason, a gaunt man with eyes that as FCCtg mirrored the flickering fire, nursed a mug of lukewarm whiskey.

“They got us running lines, Dixon,” he rasped, voice a rusty hinge. “Lines that divide, lines that control. DBut who controls the lines, eh? 

“This line, it’s a data stream, a way to control the flow of information, the flow of people. We’re just meat puppets, laying down the digital infrastructure for some unseen power.”

“Lines of code, lines of control. But who writes the script, eh? The goddamn Jesuitware, their black robes a firewall across the New World.”

Dixon, a slightly younger man with a permanent Bluetooth glint in his eye, scoffed. Smoke from his vape pen curled like a phantom download. “Jesuitware? Give me a network crash, Mason. It’s the Company, man. The East India Co. 2.0, their servers reaching across the globe, sucking the bandwidth out of every continent.  You’re stuck in the past. This ain’t about land anymore, it’s about bandwidth. They’re drawing a virtual border, a firewall to keep the information have-nots at bay.”

Mason scoffed, a harsh laugh escaping his lips. “The Company’s just a front, Dixon. They’re all puppets,dancing to the strings of some vast intelligence, some god pulling the levers behind the scenes.”

Mason slammed his mug on the rough table, whiskey splashing. “Don’t be naive, Dixon. Religion’s the opiate of the masses, and the Jesuits are the biggest damn pushers. They’ll use this line to carve up souls as well as land.”

The fire crackled, casting grotesque shadows on the cold stone walls. A low, mournful howl echoed from the distance, a coyote or something less earthly. Dixon shivered, a sudden unease settling in his gut.

The diner door hissed open, admitting a burst of cold air and a cloaked figure shrouded in shadow. Mason and Dixon exchanged a wary glance. The figure slid into a booth across the room, its face concealed by darkness. Mason grunted, a flicker of agreement in his shadowed eyes. They sat in silence, two men caught in an invisible web, the surveyors becoming the surveyed.

“Gentlemen,” a voice like synthesized static emanated from the figure. “Your suspicions are…close.”

A cold sweat prickled Dixon’s skin. 

Messrs. Mason and Dixon,” it rasped, the sound like rusty gears grinding. “Your progress has been…noted. But the line you traverse…it is a busy one. 

“There are others…powers, lurking in the dark corners of the world.. They too have designs on this territory. And above everything stands the subjunctive” A verb without being, a ghost of grammar haunting the real.”

The stranger paused, its eyes burning with an inhuman intensity, “It is a cartographer of the unseen, a surveyor of the soul.It measures desire against reality, potential against actuality. And where these lines intersect, worlds are born or destroyed.”

The revolution will not be televised, it’ll be live-streamed, monetized, and sponsored by a megacorp and then it will turn out that it never really happened

Venusian fluorescents bled across the greasy monitor, illuminating a grainy, handheld view of the Ministry buckling under a tide of bodies. Or were they extras, hired by the hour to flesh out the revolution aesthetic? The caption, pulsating in a font stolen from a discount cyber-goth store, read “End The Feed! Power To The Proles!” – a slogan as pre-chewed and digestible as a corporate news soundbite.

Martian fur corsets shimmered on every vid-phone screen, a holographic Che Guevara hawking protein shakes behind them. This wasn’t your grandpappy’s communist uprising, no sir. This was Revolution Inc., a meticulously curated clusterfuck brought to you by Big Pharma and McStache, with a tagline that promised “Individualism Through Collective Action (brought to you by McStache Fries!)”.

The algorithmically pre-approved dissidents, their bios pre-written for maximum outrage-clicks, railed against a system that simultaneously funded their very rebellion. It was a Möbius strip of dissent, a Ouroboros of corporate control. Every Molotov cocktail lobbed at a Starbucks was secretly a viral marketing campaign for their new line of “Revolution Roast” coffee beans. The tear gas, a specially formulated haze that left a lingering scent of Che Guevara cologne.

A nagging suspicion, cold and metallic, snaked through your gut. This wasn’t CNN’s finest hour, it was AMYGDALA Prime, the alt-reality channel funded by a consortium of megacorps so vast, their tendrils strangled every facet of life from your morning latte to your therapist’s designer chair. The commentators, their voices a manic blend of faux-revolution and boardroom jargon, buzzed about “disruptive social movements” and “strategic engagement with the malcontent demographic.”

Beneath the surface, analysts at shadowy megacorporations chuckled into their microbrewed kombucha, meticulously monitoring the GINI coefficient and tweaking the narrative in real-time. The revolution was a ratings juggernaut, a goddamn Super Bowl of social unrest, with bonus points awarded for property damage and brand mentions.

Suddenly, the feed froze, replaced by a holographic pop-up ad: “Feeling the Bern? Feeling the Rage? Quell your existential angst with Che Guevara Energy Chew! Packed with actual Bolivian coca leaf for that authentic revolutionary kick!” A sardonic chuckle escaped your lips. Che, the capitalist shill. The revolution, a meticulously curated consumer experience. Was this dissent, or just another meticulously focus-grouped flavor of rebellion?

Võng wasn’t sure what flickered first, the tear gas stinging his eyes or the superimposed AR icons advertising designer gas masks. The whole damn revolution was a goddamn spectacle, a meticulously curated shitshow for the retweet-hungry masses.

He remembered the whispers in the dark corners of the encrypted chatrooms, the grainy memes that promised a paradigm shift, a toppling of the oligarchic pyramid. But somewhere between the molotov cocktails and the #resistance trending topic, things curdled. The megacorporation that sponsored “Revolution-X,” a name suspiciously devoid of vowels, plastered their logo across every burning barricade. Influencers with sculpted cheekbones hawked gas mask fashion lines between dodging rubber bullets. Was this liberation or the ultimate product launch?

Võng coughed, the acrid air thick with the mingled stench of revolution and desperation. His phone buzzed, a notification from the Revolution-X app. “Upgrade to Premium for Exclusive Livestream! See the Faces of Change! #EndOfEmpire.” He scoffed, the absurdity burning hotter than the flames licking at the corporate headquarters in the distance. The revolution, it seemed, was as manufactured as the outrage it purported to overthrow. Just another cog in the machine, another monetized spasm in the death throes of a decaying empire. Võng spat out a mouthful of tear gas and grime, a single, humorless chuckle escaping his lips. The revolution would be televised, alright, but only as a goddamn commercial. The real fight, if there ever was one, would flicker on in the flickering anonymity of those same encrypted chatrooms, a revolution forever on the verge, forever unsponsored, forever out of fram

But here’s the rub, chum: just like those reality dating shows where the “perfect couple” implodes the second the cameras stop rolling, the revolution fizzled faster than a follower count after a celebrity scandal. One day, the vid-phones flickered, the Che Guevara hologram flickered, and then… poof. Silence. No catharsis, no new world order, just a vague sense of anticlimax and a lingering Che-scented cough. Everyone, pivoted seamlessly to their next manufactured crisis, leaving the would-be revolutionaries with nothing but a participation trophy (courtesy of McStache) and a lifetime supply of McDissident McNuggets. The revolution never happened, it just streamed real good for a while.

As the feed flickered back, the Ministry was pristine, the protestors dispersed. A holographic news anchor, her smile brighter than a thousand flashbangs, chirped about “a healthy exchange of ideas” and the “importance of civil discourse.” The revolution, it seemed, had been efficiently commodified, packaged, leaving behind a vague sense of unease and a lingering craving for Che Guevara Energy Chew. 

The Bravery Of Being Out Of Range

The air hung thick with the metallic tang of nostalgia and cordite. Elmer, a relic of Reagan’s microwave optimism, fumbled with the ancient beast in his suitcase from a bygone era where Brylcreem ruled and John Wayne reigned supreme. A chrome leviathan, a magnum opus of a bygone era, a phallic monument to simpler times. Inside, nestled in crimson velvet, lay the chrome glint of a magnum – a phallic monument to a masculinity sculpted in Vietnam’s crucible.The Elks Lodge camaraderie echoed in his head, a half-remembered dream overlaid with the flickering desert mirage on the motel TV. John Wayne blasting Comanches, a sanitized past playing on repeat. The air shimmered, a mirage of heat rising off the cracked asphalt. Elmer squinted, his rheumy eyes barely registering the glint of chrome on the table. Nostalgia, a cruel mistress, twisting memories into a Möbius strip of glory days.

A primal urge, a Pavlovian twitch in his finger. He stepped out, the desert a desolate expanse under the bruised sky. The canyon, a vast concrete ear waiting. 

A canyon symphony erupted as Elmer squeezed off a round, a desperate aria against the encroaching silence of obsolescence. The echo bounced off the sunbaked rocks, a mournful lament for a world where cowboys ruled and enemies wore faces, not pixels.

Did the recoil whisper forgotten memories in Elmer’s ear? A phantom limb twitched, a Pynchonesque echo of a jungle firefight, the sweet tang of cordite, the primal thrill of the hunt. But the enemy here was a mirage, a desert chimera conjured by reruns of dusty Westerns and an echo chamber of right-wing screeds. Who, in this desolate wasteland of his own making, deserved the finality of a bullet?

The crack of the magnum, a thunderous report, a cathartic release. But the echo held a hollowness, a dissonance. Upstaged by the manic symphony of a chrome Uzi, a weapon of the future, cold and sterile. A generation gap in the space of a single, deafening moment.

Memories flickered through the haze – a vision of a young Marine, a tableau of blood and sand in some nameless desert. a jarhead sprawled in a heap of rubble, the ghost of Geronimo haunting the steps of a government building, soldiers reduced to pill-popping automatons on a digital battlefield viewed through a drone’s cold, unfeeling eye. A grotesque parody of the John Wayne picture shows plastered across the motel walls. Back in the room, the drone footage flickered on the screen, a detached, voyeuristic gaze. Soldiers, mere pixels popping pills, their faces obscured by the heat shimmer. The enemy, faceless specters on a digital map.

The bravery of being out of range, a sickening oxymoron, a grotesque caricature of heroism played out on flickering screens 3,000 miles away. The bar blurred at the edges, a hazy reflection of a world gone mad. Elmer choked down another shot, the whiskey burning a bitter truth down his throat. The war raged on, a sanitized spectacle on a high-definition screen, a joystick ballet of death with him as a detached puppeteer. The thrill of the kill, a virtual experience, hollowed out by the absence of fear, the stench of cordite, the primal scream ripped from a human throat.

The Elks Lodge echoed in his mind, a faded photograph of camaraderie and cheap beer. The world outside, a kaleidoscope fractured by CNN’s holographic war. Drones buzzed like demented locusts in a Pynchonesque nightmare, their payloads painting the desert a gruesome technicolor. Pills and paranoia fueled the boys on the ground, pawns in a global chess game played with joysticks.

The recoil, a dull thud against his aging body. Did it mimic something primal, a forgotten echo of caveman conquest? Or was it a pathetic whimper, a desperate attempt to reclaim a fading masculinity? The Uzi, a chrome serpent on the table next to it, mocked him with its youth, its rapid-fire promises.

The bravery of being out of range – a hollow prayer whispered into the void, a desperate attempt to cling to a fading masculinity in a world hurtling towards apocalypse. The taste of bile rose in his throat, a bitter counterpoint to the synthetic victory on the screen. He was adrift in a sea of his own making, a relic of a bygone era, his bravado as empty as the desert wind.

The bravery of being out of range, a phrase that tasted like ash in his mouth. A hollow victory fueled by whiskey and CNN’s holographic war. Back in the bar, the TV blared, a cacophony of sanitized explosions. He was a spectator, miles removed, playing God with a joystick in a bloodstained Escherian landscape. The thrill of the kill, a virtual affair, devoid of consequence, a grotesquely postmodern existence.

Was he the hunter, or the hunted? The lines blurred in a Pynchonesque funhouse mirror. The desert wind whispered secrets, stories of the indigenous ghosts that haunted these very sands. Geronimo’s restless spirit seemed to mock him from the Federal Building steps.

The Uzi, a chrome ouroboros, a symbol of a world spiraling out of control. Was it the thrill of the kill, or a desperate attempt to recapture a bygone sense of agency in this digitized dystopia? The question hung heavy in the air, unanswered,lost in the white noise of the television war. He poured another drink, a bitter toast to the bravery of being out of range, a chilling testament to a world gone mad.

He poured himself a shot, the amber liquid burning a path down his throat. The news droned on, the body count a morbid ticker tape. The thrill, a digitized phantom limb, the satisfaction of victory a hollow echo. The bravery of being out of range, a sickening joke, a bloodstained escapade played on a joystick.

War Larp

Armies prepare to fight the last Hollywood larp, rather than their next anti war indie. War is the continuation of delusion by other means.

Our garish parade of grunts rehearses for their next technicolor Götterdämmerung, a glorious clash of CGI battalions against a backdrop of pixilated deserts. Their maneuvers, choreographed by generals hopped up on John Wayne matinees,resemble shopping mall holographic war games more than the grim, labyrinthine tangles that will bleed out the next geo-political snafu. These are warriors sculpted by Pentagon mythmakers, primed to reenact Thermopylae with cruise missiles and a budget that could finance a Borgesian library.

Our garish military parades, a technicolor fever dream of bygone blitzkriegs and glory-hounded cavalry charges. Million-dollar centurions in mirrored shades, their phallic chrome chariots bristling with impotent weaponry, rehearse for a war that flickers on flickering screens, a celluloid epic perpetually on rerun. They train for the romanticized double bill, all billowing smoke and chest-thumping bravado, while the realpolitik unspools in the shadows, a grainy black and white documentary nobody wants to watch.

Meanwhile, the real war, the one conducted in flickering internet back alleys and whispers across encrypted channels,simmers unnoticed. Drone shadows flit across unsigned battlefields, data packets ricochet through a labyrinthine darknet,and minds are hacked with the ease of a forgotten password. Our boys play at war with megaphoned proclamations and laser-guided heroics, while the enemy lurks in the shadows, a nameless, faceless specter wielding weapons as intangible as ideas.

It’s all a tragicomic funhouse mirror reflecting a funhouse world, a hall of mirrors where Clausewitz’s dictum twists into a grotesque self-parody. War, it seems, is not the continuation of politics by other means, but the desperate, delusional grasp at a bygone era, a frantic attempt to impose a narrative of cowboys and calvalry onto a world writhing with possibilities as strange and unsettling as a fever dream by Philip K. Dick. We fight the phantoms of a bygone era, our generals haunted by strategies cobbled together from dog-eared pulp novels filled with cardboard heroes and pyrotechnic victories. The true enemy, a hydra-headed beast of shadowy agendas and resource scarcity, festers in the wings, ignored in favor of the digitized ghosts of battlefields past. We are sleepwalking towards a conflict not of our making, armed with yesterday’s weapons and fueled by yesterday’s delusions.

Where are the gritty, guerrilla documentaries prepping them for the realpolitik trench warfare of resource scarcity and asymmetrical threats?

Clausewitz, bless his ironclad heart, might’ve scoffed at this cold parade of delusions marching under the banner of strategy. This warmonger’s psychodrama, this clinging to a bygone era’s war porn aesthetics, isn’t statecraft, it’s a deranged LARPing of cowboys and injuns projected on the flickering screen of empire. The body count, however, will be all too real, a snuff film projected onto the grubby windshield of a stolen sedan in some nameless third-world backwater.

We fight the ghosts of wars past, while the real enemy, a hydra-headed beast of fractured economies, social collapse, and environmental devastation, slithers ever closer, unseen and unmolested.

Gravity Slam

The mess hall reeked of lukewarm mystery meat and a pervasive sense of millennial ennui. PVT Tyrone Slothrop, a recruit with a name ripped from a forgotten paperback and eyes perpetually glazed over like a malfunctioning VR headset,poked listlessly at his tray. Across from him, Spc. Lester “Ramrod” Rodriguez scrolled through his chem-coated implant,a vapid stream of tactical memes and dubstep remixes of dronestrikes. These weren’t hardened soldiers, they were extras in a forgotten Michael Bay flick, all sculpted physiques and vacant stares.

“Yo, Tyrone,” drawled Ramrod, his voice a bored monotone, “heard we’re deploying to the Sandbox-istan LARP next week. Gonna be epic, brah.”

Slothrop grunted, a flicker of existential dread igniting in his gut. This wasn’t war, it was cosplay for the C-SPAN generation. A meticulously curated battlefield experience, complete with pre-approved bodycam footage and a designated “influencer squad” documenting the whole mess for the masses.

The General, a man whose face resembled a topographical map of Botox injections, strutted across the stage, his polished boots clicking a martial rhythm. His holographic slide deck displayed high-resolution renderings of the enemy combatants – digitized versions of brown men with AK-47s ripped from a dusty archive of Cold War-era propaganda.

“Gentlemen,” the General boomed, his voice a digitized echo, “Operation Desert Dream is a vital step in securing the neoliberal order and ensuring the unfettered flow of… uh… crypto-currency!” Mumbles rippled through the ranks, a collective “huh?” hanging heavy in the air.

Slothrop felt a cold sweat prickle at his scalp. This wasn’t about securing borders or defending freedom. It was about likes, retweets, and maintaining the illusion of perpetual conflict – a reality show gone spectacularly wrong. He was adrift in a Pynchonesque nightmare, a swirling vortex of manufactured heroism and corporate greed disguised as patriotism.

Later, under the bruised fluorescence of the barracks, Slothrop confided in Ramirez, a wiry private with a worn copy of “Gravity’s Rainbow” tucked into his duffel bag. Ramirez, an unlikely literary soul amidst the sea of gung-ho grunts,nodded grimly. “This whole thing’s a fucked up magic show, Slothrop. Smoke and mirrors, a war built on bad data and manufactured consent.”

They sat in silence, the air thick with a shared sense of disillusionment. Outside, a squad of troops practiced their pre-approved battle cries, their voices hollow echoes in the manufactured desert night. War, it seemed, had become the ultimate performance art, a tragic Hollywood LARP with real-world consequences.

<>

They weren’t soldiers, these conscripts fresh out of the megacorporation training programs, these were extras on the world’s most expensive snuff film, unwitting thespians in a drama with a budget bigger than the GDP of a small nation. Their uniforms, a chimera of digitized camo and tactical athleisure, whispered of both battlefield and boardroom. Helmets, transparent and holographic, displayed personalized kill-feeds and enemy silhouettes, a permanent layer of augmented reality that blurred the line between Call of Duty and actual duty.

Faces, sculpted by orthodontia and protein shakes, hid anxieties better suited to student loan debt than IEDs. Muscles, pumped in suburban gyms, strained under the weight of knock-off body armor that reeked more of Hollywood prop house than battlefield.

These were the LARPers of geopolitics, their delusions as meticulously crafted as their tactical gear. Medals, jangling like costume jewelry, whispered promises of valor forged in a desert painted the color of a California sunset. In their minds, they were hopped-up Audie Murphys, existential John Waynes, ready to scrawl their names across the sands of a pre-approved narrative.

They huddled in barracks that resembled IKEA furniture rendered in surplus shipping containers, a beige labyrinth echoing with the drone of mandatory motivational podcasts and the cloying scent of government-issue protein paste. Murmurs of pre-battle jitters mingled with the atonal whine of micro-transactions, soldiers topping up their digital ammo reserves with their remaining service credits. It was a war fought not just for land or resources, but for bragging rights on some hyper-capitalist leaderboard, a celestial scoreboard maintained by a consortium of shadowy defense contractors and energy conglomerates.

The enemy, when they finally met them, were mirror images, equally bewildered extras in this absurdist play. Their uniforms, a different shade of designer digital camo, displayed a rival corporation’s logo, a snarling crimson chimera that seemed to mock the manufactured valor in their eyes. The opening salvos were a cacophony of laser fire and recycled movie quotes, soldiers dropping like marionettes with pre-programmed death throes. The air shimmered with the heat of a thousand micro-transactions, the whirring of servers miles away struggling to keep up with the orchestrated carnage.

But beneath the veneer of digital spectacle, a seed of doubt had been planted. In the quiet moments between skirmishes, amidst the reeking tang of recycled protein bars and spilled synthetic blood, a soldier glimpsed a reflection in his enemy’s visor, a flicker of recognition. Was this some pre-programmed subroutine, a glitch in the matrix of manufactured conflict? Or was it the dawning realization that they were all extras in a lie, dancing to the tune of unseen puppeteers who profited from their pre-programmed demise?

The Hollywood larp sputtered and stalled, the carefully scripted battles dissolving into a confused melee. The lines between victor and vanquished blurred. Was this the long-awaited indie anti-war film, a rebellion against the manufactured conflict they’d been drafted into? Or was it simply another act, another layer of delusion, a self-aware performance piece commissioned by the very corporations that profited from the war in the first place? In the end, the answer was as elusive as the enemy lines themselves, lost in the white noise of a million micro-transactions and the flickering neon of a world perpetually at war, both real and unreal.

<>

Triplicate

Leave a comment

Herbert W. Plinth, the Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Paperwork Affairs at the Bureau of Red Tape, navigated the labyrinthine corridors of his own department with the weary resignation of a spelunker lost for decades. The air hung heavy with the metallic tang of old filing cabinets and the musky scent of decaying memos. Every surface was mummified in an avalanche of forms, each a cryptic scroll demanding years of arcane knowledge to decipher.

Plinth, a man whose shoulders slumped under the weight of untold regulations, shuffled towards his cubicle, a monument to bureaucratic ennui constructed entirely of unfinished inboxes and overflowing outboxes. A single, fly-specked window offered a view, not of the city, but of a seemingly endless beige wall, a physical manifestation of the stifling conformity that was his life’s work.

A shrill Klaxon pierced the oppressive silence. It was the daily summons to “The Shredding,” a ritual as macabre as any public execution. Plinth joined the shuffling throng, each face etched with the same existential dread. In a cavernous chamber, a maw of gnashing steel teeth awaited, promising oblivion for a lucky few documents deemed “unnecessary.” The selection process, however, remained an enigma, a closely guarded secret held by the high priests of the Bureau, a Kafkaesque elite who communicated only through cryptic memos and nonsensical flowcharts.

Plinth watched, a hollow ache gnawing at his gut, as a teetering stack of forms met their grisly end. Were these the lucky ones, finally free from the purgatory of paperwork? Or was this merely another cruel twist, a performance designed to remind them of the futility of their struggle? He clutched a manila folder marked “URGENT – REQUIRES IMMEDIATE ATTENTION (BUT SEE PARAGRAPHS 14b & 17c OF REGULATION Z-99)” – a document that had been circling his desk for a year, its urgency as suspect as its purpose.

As the last shred of paper vanished into the gnashing maw, Plinth shuffled back to his cubicle, the Klaxon’s echo a haunting reminder of the Sisyphean nature of his task. Here, amidst the suffocating embrace of bureaucracy, Herbert W. Plinth, the Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Paperwork Affairs, would continue his eternal battle, a solitary knight lost in a war against an enemy as formless and relentless as paperwork itself.

A particularly flamboyant tremor shook the building, rattling the fluorescent lights into a strobing frenzy. Plinth, momentarily startled from his paperwork-induced stupor, peered out his window – or rather, the adjacent beige wall that served as his only view. The tremor, a not-uncommon occurrence in the labyrinthine bowels of the Bureau, sent a fresh wave of dust motes swirling through the stale air.

Then, a voice, distorted and crackly, emanated from the ancient intercom system. “Attention all personnel. A Level-C Inconsistency has been detected in Section D, Subsection 14b. All non-essential personnel are to evacuate to designated holding areas. Repeat, all non-essential personnel…” The voice trailed off into a garbled hiss.

Plinth exchanged a bewildered glance with Mildred, the mousy filing clerk across the aisle, whose face had contorted into a mask of bureaucratic terror. A Level-C Inconsistency was a bureaucratic nightmare, a tear in the fabric of regulation that threatened to unravel the very foundation of the Bureau’s order.

Suddenly, the fluorescent lights flickered and died, plunging the department into an oppressive gloom. The only light came from the emergency exit signs, casting an eerie green glow on the overflowing inboxes and teetering stacks of forms. Panic, a rare visitor in these sterile corridors, began to stir. A low murmur rippled through the cubicles, punctuated by the frantic tapping of unseen fingers against keyboards.

Plinth, however, felt a strange sense of calm amidst the chaos. Perhaps, in this moment of bureaucratic breakdown, there was a glimmer of hope, a chance to break free from the stifling grip of red tape. He reached for the manila folder marked “URGENT” – a document that now seemed more symbolic than ever. Maybe, just maybe, this Inconsistency, this tear in the system, was the key to unlocking something more, something beyond the beige walls and endless forms.

With a newfound determination, Plinth shoved back his chair and grabbed his worn trench coat. Mildred, her eyes wide with fear, stammered, “Where are you going, Herbert?”

Plinth offered a tight smile, a hint of rebellion flickering in his usually dull eyes. “Downstairs, Mildred,” he said. “To see what this Inconsistency is all about.” And with that, he stepped out of his cubicle and into the uncharted territory of the Bureau’s underbelly, the weight of countless regulations momentarily forgotten.

Plinth navigated the darkened corridors by muscle memory alone, the emergency exit signs casting long, skeletal fingers across the dusty floor. The air grew thick and stale, the metallic tang replaced by a cloying scent of mildew and forgotten dreams. The hum of fluorescent lights, the lifeblood of the Bureau, was now a distant memory, replaced by an unsettling silence broken only by the echoing drip of a leaky faucet somewhere in the labyrinth.

He descended deeper, each creaking floorboard a stark reminder of the Bureau’s immense, unyielding weight. The occasional frantic scurrying of unseen rats was the only sign of life in this bureaucratic necropolis. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Plinth stumbled upon a massive steel door, its surface pitted and scarred, the paint peeling in grotesque flakes. A single, flickering bulb cast an anemic glow on a worn plaque that read: “Section D, Subsection 14b: Restricted Access.”

Plinth hesitated, his newfound resolve battling with decades of ingrained bureaucratic caution. But the image of Mildred’s terrified face spurred him on. With a deep breath, he reached out and grasped the rusted handle. The door groaned in protest, a metallic shriek that echoed through the emptiness.

The room beyond was a stark contrast to the sterile cubicles above. Here, amidst a chaotic jumble of overturned filing cabinets and shredded documents, a swirling vortex of pure information pulsed in the center of the chamber. Parchment scrolls, ancient and brittle, danced in the aether alongside holographic projections of indecipherable equations. It was a maelstrom of data, a chaotic symphony of every regulation, every form, every forgotten memo that had ever passed through the Bureau’s iron grip.

In the heart of this vortex, a single figure stood transfixed, bathed in the flickering data-light. It was Bartholomew Goose, the Bureau’s enigmatic Director, a man rumored to have memorized every regulation since the dawn of paperwork. His face, usually an impassive mask of bureaucratic authority, was contorted in a mixture of awe and terror.

“Mr. Plinth,” Goose croaked, his voice hoarse. “You shouldn’t be here. This Inconsistency…it threatens the very fabric of order. The system is…re-writing itself.”

Plinth, mesmerized by the swirling vortex, felt a strange sense of liberation. The rules, the regulations, all the suffocating apparatus of the Bureau, seemed to be dissolving in this chaotic dance of information. Perhaps, he thought, this was not an Inconsistency, but an evolution. Perhaps, from the ashes of the old system, something new, something less suffocating, could be born.

As he watched, a new form began to emerge from the data storm – a document unlike any Plinth had ever seen. It shimmered with an otherworldly light, its words shifting and rearranging like a living organism. Goose reached out, a desperate tremor in his hand, then recoiled as the document pulsed with a blinding light.

The room fell silent once more. The vortex had vanished, leaving behind only the single, shimmering document and the two men staring at it with a mixture of trepidation and hope. Plinth, the Deputy Assistant Undersecretary for Paperwork Affairs, had stumbled into the heart of a bureaucratic revolution, and the future of the Bureau, perhaps even the world, hung in the balance.

A bitter laugh escaped Plinth’s lips. The vortex had dissolved, the Inconsistency seemingly contained, but the answer, as always, remained elusive. Bartholomew Goose, ever the bureaucrat, straightened his rumpled tie and cleared his throat.

“Mr. Plinth,” he began, his voice regaining its bureaucratic starch, “while the immediate threat appears neutralized, we must prioritize the preservation of vital records. Therefore, in accordance with Emergency Protocol X-17, sub-section d, paragraph 3…”

Plinth groaned inwardly. Protocol X-17, sub-section d. It mandated the immediate triplication of all affected documents “for safekeeping and redundancy in case of future inconsistencies.” The very thought of tripling the already mountainous paperwork sent a wave of nausea through him.

Goose, oblivious to Plinth’s despair, continued, “Therefore, I am assigning you the critical task of overseeing the document duplication process for Section D, Subsection 14b. Given the…sensitive nature of the recovered materials, utmost discretion is paramount.”

Plinth stared at him, the weight of the manila folder marked “URGENT” suddenly feeling heavier than ever. The revolution, it seemed, would have to wait. Bureaucracy, in all its glorious tedium, had reasserted its dominance.

With a sigh, Plinth straightened his own tie, a soldier resigned to another tour of duty in the trenches of paperwork. The future, it seemed, would remain stubbornly written in triplicate. He turned to leave, the flickering emergency exit sign casting his weary figure in a long, bureaucratic shadow. The fight for a less suffocating world, it seemed, would have to be waged one triplicate form at a time.

It’s all Subjunctive

Oedipoid and vast, the world swam in a subjunctive sea. Every action, a ripple in the pond of potentiality. Was it rain that fell, or merely the memory of rain, a phantom echo from some parallel dimension where skies wept? Perhaps it never rained at all, and the damp chill was a collective delusion, a product of a species forever haunted by the might-have-beens.

We, the stardust-forged marionettes, danced a jerky jig on the stage of existence, strings pulled by unseen hands, or perhaps by the cruel laughter of a god who found amusement in our fumbling attempts at the indicative. Every choice, a forking path leading to a universe unlived. Did the other versions of ourselves, in those unblossomed realities, curse the paths not taken, the loves unrequited, the potential left to rot on the vine?

Or maybe it was all a grand malfunction, a cosmic computer running a faulty program. Perhaps somewhere, a celestial engineer toiled endlessly, desperately trying to patch the code, to nudge reality back into the indicative, the realm of the certain. But for us, adrift in the subjunctive soup, the only certainty was uncertainty itself. We were forever chasing the ghost of a perfect tense, a past that might have been, a future that could yet unravel. It was a maddening waltz, this dance of maybes, a symphony of “ifs” echoing through the caverns of existence.

<>

Oedipoid it might be, this whole “subjunctive” racket. A yearning for a reality that could have been, a universe where verbs shimmered with possibility instead of the blunt, indicative thrust of the everyday. Perhaps, in some parallel dimension, a past tense whispered, “We went to the moon,” while here, on this cracked and anxious Earth, it remained a tense, throbbing “We went to the moon,” forever teetering between triumph and the abyss.

Conspiracy theorists, those fringe dwellers on the map of human discourse, might see a plot, a grand, subjunctive orchestration by unseen forces. The powerful, they’d mutter, rewriting history in the subjunctive, erasing inconvenient truths with a flick of their metaphorical past-tense eraser. Did the Kennedys die, or were they merely erased from a timeline that never quite solidified?

But maybe it’s simpler than that. Maybe the subjunctive is the language of dreams, of half-formed desires and anxieties. It’s the voice whispering in the back of your head, “If only I’d taken that other job,” or the primal fear that curdles your stomach, “They might find out.” It’s the chorus of what-ifs that hums beneath the surface of our lives, a counterpoint to the melody of the real.

So next time you find yourself slipping into the subjunctive, don’t dismiss it as a grammatical quirk. It might be a key, a portal to a hidden dimension, or a map of the labyrinthine desires that make you, you. It’s all subjunctive, man, all subjunctive.

<>

Waldo, bleary-eyed from a night spent navigating the byzantine byways of paranoia, squinted at the blinking neon sign: “Subjunctive’s.” A seedy joint, even by the standards of the Yoyodyne Incorporated sprawl. Inside, a haze of cigarette smoke hung heavy, punctuated by the rhythmic thrum of a malfunctioning slot machine. A barkeep with a face like a topographical map wiped down a chipped glass with a sigh that could curdle milk.

“Subjunctive, huh?” he rasped, voice seasoned with regret. “That’d be the life, wouldn’t it? Where everything’s a possibility, a shimmering mirage in the desert of the indicative. But here, friend, it’s all past participle, the echoes of choices not taken bouncing off the walls.”

Waldo nursed a lukewarm beer, the bitter tang a counterpoint to the metallic tang of existential dread. Maybe it was all subjunctive, a vast conspiracy where the present was merely a suggestion, the future a hall of mirrors reflecting infinite “maybes.” Perhaps the whole damn system, from the Yoyodyne rockets to the flickering neon, ran on the subjunctive’s ethereal fuel.

A woman, all elbows and cigarette burns, sidled up to him. Her eyes, glittering with a manic intensity, held a glint of shared paranoia. “They say,” she whispered, voice raspy as a malfunctioning fax machine, “there’s a machine down in the sub-basement. A contraption that can rewrite the subjunctive, bend it to your will. Make the impossible the indicative.”

Intrigue, a flickering ember in Waldo’s soul, began to blaze. Was it a fool’s errand, a descent into a rabbit hole of conspiracies? Or was it a chance to rewrite the script, to escape the subjunctive prison and forge a new reality, indicative and absolute? With a grimace that could have been a smile, Waldo downed his beer. Maybe it was all subjunctive, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t play the game.

Rebellion as Commodity

The PA system crackled in the grimy bus depot, a half-chewed Che Guevara t-shirt blossoming from a forgotten corner advertising “authentic” rebellion for 29.99$. Outside, a neon sign, winking like a cyclopean burnout case, promised “Revolution! Now with a Money-Back Guarantee!” A gaggle of teenagers, their faces a kaleidoscope of ironic mustaches and faux-Molotov cocktails fashioned from empty soda bottles, shuffled past, their rebellion pre-packaged, pre-digested,ready for their carefully curated Insta stories.

The PA system crackled in the grimy bus depot, a carnival barker’s voice shucking ads between the reggae throb. “…and for a limited time only, own your piece of the revolution! That’s right, folks, rebellion’s on sale! We’ve got the whole kit and kaboodle – Molotov cocktails pre-mixed and ergonomically designed, rage pre-packaged in vintage Che Guevara posters, even existential angst by the kilo!”

Randolph, a man whose face resembled a roadmap etched by a particularly sadistic cartographer, scoffed. Rebellion, a commodity? Back in his day, it wasn’t about ironic slogans and vintage band tees. It was the taste of stale bread in a makeshift camp, the paranoid thrill of a whispered message passed in a crowded marketplace, the bone-deep certainty that the Man was watching your every move. It wasn’t a lifestyle choice, a rebellious phase to be shed like a too-tight pair of jeans. It was a baptism by tear gas, a communion of shared dissent that reeked of sweat and desperation.

Now, rebellion was commodified, neutered, a pacifier for the disaffected. It was a fleeting high on a screen, a rebellion curated by algorithms, its edges sanded smooth for mass consumption. It felt like a bad acid trip designed by a marketing team, a revolution pre-approved by the very system it claimed to overthrow. Randolph sighed, the weight of his disillusionment a familiar ache. Rebellion, a fading echo, a ghost haunting the neon wasteland of a corporatized world.

A wiry woman with a Mohawk that defied gravity scoffed, her mirrored shades reflecting the flickering neon. “Yeah, rebellion,” she rasped, voice laced with equal parts amusement and cynicism. “Used to be a dirty word, a stain on your resume. Now it’s aisle three, next to the discount organic kale chips.”

A kid with a bored expression and a trust fund haircut wandered by, flipping through a dog-eared copy of “The Anarchist Cookbook” like a menu at a greasy spoon. “Man, this rebellion stuff is complicated,” he whined to his disinterested companion. “Gotta, like, read theory and stuff. Isn’t there an app for this?”

Overhead, a holographic projection flickered to life, a sneering ad exec in a pinstripe suit hawking the latest line of designer riot gear. “Tired of looking like a schlub while you overthrow the system? Our new combat couture line is both ethically sourced and fashion-forward! Look good, feel good, dismantle the patriarchy!”

The mirrored lady snorted. “The revolution,” she muttered, “brought to you by the same corporations that brought you climate change and student loan debt.” Her eyes narrowed. “But maybe that’s the point. Maybe rebellion’s become a product because the real thing is just too damn expensive.”

The reggae faded, replaced by a news report. Images of tear gas and burning barricades flickered on the screen, a stark contrast to the sanitized rebellion being peddled downstairs. The mirrored lady smirked, a glint of defiance in her eyes. “Cheap rebellion might be a sham,” she conceded, “but at least it pisses them off. And sometimes, that’s enough to start a fire you can’t put out with a discount fire extinguisher.”

<>

They peddled revolution on the digital black market, hawking encrypted packets of dissent like day-old fish on a Tijuana street corner. The brand names flickered on flickering screens – “Che Guevara Chic,” “Limited Edition Molotov Cocktails (vintage glass!),” “Existential Dread for the Masses (one-size-fits-all)”. It was enough to make even the most jaded hipster scoff. Rebellion, once a messy, graffiti-scrawled affair fueled by righteous anger and smuggled LPs of The Clash, had been corporatized, focus-grouped, and streamlined for maximum profit.

Somewhere in the labyrinthine bowels of the dark web, a shadowy consortium known only as “The Discontent Corporation” churned out rebellion like fast food. Their algorithms, cobbled together by bored ex-NSA code monkeys with a taste for anarchy, could tailor a rebellion to any niche market. Need a bespoke overthrow of a third-world dictator? They had a package for that. Feeling the urge to dismantle the soul-crushing grip of corporate capitalism on your shoelace selection? The Discontent Corporation could point you towards the latest, trendiest strain of anti-establishmentarianism.

But beneath the veneer of cool, a hollowness gnawed. These manufactured rebellions felt about as authentic as a Kardashian’s tears. Was this the future? A world where dissent was a designer label and fighting the Man was just another fashion statement? A single, tear-streaked emoji hung in the air, a silent lament for the bygone era of genuine outrage.

Herr Schmidt

Leave a comment

Gregor awoke with a jolt, a clammy sweat clinging to him like a shroud. The dream, thankfully, had faded, yet a tendril of unease remained. It was always the same. A cramped, airless office, the walls plastered with maps crisscrossed with nonsensical red lines. His boss, Herr Schmidt, a man perpetually shrouded in an aura of damp wool and stale cigars, stood ranting about purity and Lebensraum. Gregor, however, felt only a gnawing nausea, the guilt a physical weight in his gut.

He wasn’t a Nazi, of that much he was certain. At least, not truly. He recoiled from the harsh pronouncements and brutal rallies. Their fervent speeches felt like incantations, a dark magic he couldn’t comprehend. Yet, there he was, tethered to Herr Schmidt by an invisible chain. Their partnership, once a beacon of financial security, now felt like a pact forged in a fever dream.

The Ministry had hinted at an “expansion,” a euphemism that sent shivers down Gregor’s spine. Their business, once a humble stationery shop, had begun churning out maps unlike any he’d ever seen. Maps that warped reality, continents twisting like melting wax, borders redrawn with a butcher’s hand. Gregor, tasked with the mundane details of ink and paper, felt complicit in a grand, horrifying design he couldn’t grasp.

He shuffled through the day with a leaden weight in his chest. Every customer, every transaction, felt like a betrayal. Was he merely a cog in the machine, or was he, in some small way, responsible for the encroaching darkness? The lines blurred, the air grew thick with unspoken accusations. Perhaps, Gregor thought with a growing dread, the real transformation wasn’t some monstrous physical metamorphosis, but a soul twisted and contorted, becoming something he barely recognized. He wasn’t a Nazi, no. But in the suffocating confines of their partnership, was there truly any difference?

<>

Gregor Samsa shifted uncomfortably in his scratchy uniform. The crispness of the morning air bit through the thin fabric, a stark contrast to the stifling heat that had clung to him all night. The accusation – a Nazi? – echoed in his mind, a foreign word, a monstrous label that seemed to clamp down on his meager existence like a rusted vice.

His boss, Herr Wieser, was a member of the Party, yes. A necessity, the whispers went, a small price to pay for a foothold in the market. Gregor didn’t understand the politics, the grand pronouncements and Partei rallies. He understood numbers, the rhythm of deliveries, the quiet satisfaction of a balanced ledger.

But the world, it seemed, wasn’t content with such mundane understanding. The line between necessity and complicity had blurred, painted over in harsh, unforgiving strokes. Gregor felt a cold sweat prickle his skin. Was his loyalty to Herr Wieser, his silent acceptance, a form of participation? Was mere proximity to evil enough to stain him?

He shuffled through the morning routine, every task taking on a new weight. The clinking of bottles felt like a coded message, the whirring of the delivery truck a menacing hum. The world, once familiar and predictable, had become a labyrinth, its walls adorned with shifting accusations.

Gregor wasn’t a Nazi, not in his heart, he desperately clung to that conviction. But the seed of doubt had been sown, a tiny, monstrous thing that threatened to consume him. In the landscape of the times, mere proximity to power could twist an ordinary life into something fraught with meaning, a meaning both terrifying and unclear.

<>

Gregor awoke that morning to a disquieting sense of inversion. The room, usually tidy and predictable, seemed warped. The furniture, once aligned at precise angles, leaned precariously. Even the light filtering through the dusty windowpanes felt oddly accusatory. A tremor, originating not from the outside world but from deep within him, rattled his very core.

He shuffled to the ornately framed photograph on his mantlepiece – a younger Gregor, arm in arm with a man whose smile seemed a touch too wide, a touch too eager. Herr Winkler. Business partner, yes, but a weight upon Gregor’s conscience heavier than any ledger book. Herr Winkler, whose Party pin gleamed on his lapel in the photograph, a stark contrast to Gregor’s own carefully blank one.

Gregor had clung to the delusion of neutrality, a tightrope walk between survival and principle. He’d provided the steady hand, the meticulous accounts, while Herr Winkler, with his Party connections, secured contracts that would have otherwise been unattainable. A necessary evil, whispered Gregor to himself every morning, a mantra that grew increasingly hollow.

The tremor intensified, the room tilting further. Was it a summons? A reprimand? Gregor yearned to understand, to plead his case. But to whom? To the faceless bureaucrats of the Party, their pronouncements delivered through crackles of the radio? Or to a society that seemed to have sleepwalked into a nightmare?

He reached for the photograph, the glass cool against his sweating palms. Herr Winkler’s smile seemed to widen, a silent accusation. Gregor’s reflection in the frame stared back, a man trapped in a web of his own making, the lines between complicity and innocence hopelessly blurred. The room lurched once more, the tremor reaching a crescendo. Gregor crumpled to the floor, the photograph clattering beside him, its broken glass a mirror reflecting a truth he could no longer deny.

Monday is Committing Seppuku

Leave a comment

Monday, that starched white collar of the week, that joyless grindstone of productivity, was keeling over, not with a whimper, but with a ritualistic harakiri of epic proportions. The air, usually thick with stale coffee and regret, carried the tang of iron filings and existential dread. Was it the soul-crushing TPS reports, or the fluorescent lights humming a maddening Cold War spy tune? 

It was as if some unseen force had whispered bushido into the ear of the very day itself. Emails arrived with haiku-like subject lines, cryptic pronouncements of impending doom: “TPS Reports Due,” “Meeting: Morale Rejuvenation.” Yet, beneath this terse efficiency, a current of quiet rebellion crackled.

Monday, was imploding in a grotesque display of ritualistic self-destruction. Not with a whimper, mind you, but with the bureaucratic flourish of a malfunctioning fax machine spewing forth rejection notices in triplicate. The air crackled with the ozone tang of unfulfilled expectations and burnt coffee.

Perhaps it was the sheer oppressive weight of the upcoming dentist appointment.Whatever the catalyst, Monday was going full Yukio Mishima, a slow, agonizing disembowelment of the very concept of a productive beginning. Perhaps a mid-morning existential crisis would spark a chain reaction of revolutionary workplace haiku. Maybe the breakroom vending machine, in a fit of sympathetic synchronicity, would dispense nothing but chocolate-covered anarchy symbols. One thing was certain: the week, stained with the blood of this ritualistic suicide,would never be the same.