MUSIC IN PHASE SPACE

Tag: sketch

  • INT: ROYAL TREASURY, MADRID, 1637.

    OLIVARES (slamming open the door): Gentlemen! Welcome to a new age of finance. Spain is proud to unveil its latest instrument of international liquidity: the Soul-Backed Evangelical Bond. GENOESE BANKER (twitching): What… exactly backs this bond? OLIVARES (beaming): Salvation. (He clicks, and the Jesuit Consultant unfurls a scroll depicting cherubs baptizing Indigenous Americans.) OLIVARES (cont’d):…

  • Personality

    Employer: Well, everything seems to be in order. You certainly look like a 10x engineer to us. We just need to do some due diligence and comb through your social media feeds for any signs of personality. Candidate: Uh, signs of personality? Employer: Yes, you know, just making sure you don’t have too much of…

  • No Exit Christmas Special:

    Locked in a suffocating room, a Jacksonian, a Neocon, and a Techno-Libertarian stew in a surreal cacophony of complaints, each convinced the others are the root of all the world’s misery. The Jacksonian, clutching a tattered American flag, howls about the “pussification” of America, blaming the Techno-Libertarian for flooding the country with “goddamn H1B visa…

  • Pipeline

    “You don’t like me. Hell, you think I’m despicable. You sit in your faculty lounges and tweet from your ivory towers about ‘consultants ruining education,’ about ‘corporate greed infecting the academy,’ and you pin that target squarely on my back. But let me tell you something: You want me here. You need me here. Because…

  • MAGA

    Scene: Suburban Kitchen – Morning RANDY, a middle-aged man in a “Save America” t-shirt, stands proudly in his gleaming, newly remodeled kitchen, giving CARLOS, a stocky Latino man in a worn uniform, an enthusiastic handshake. Carlos holds a clipboard and offers a polite, guarded smile. RANDY (grinning, voice loud and cheerful) Carlos, my man! Good…

  • Dragons

    {Scene: A cozy library lined with leather-bound books. Jordan Peterson and Richard Dawkins sit across from each other in large armchairs. A fireplace crackles behind them. Peterson wears a look of intense seriousness; Dawkins looks mildly skeptical but intrigued.] Jordan Peterson: Well, you see, Richard, the dragon is real. Not in the sense of flesh…

  • Tulsa King

    Scene: A smoky, dimly lit Oklahoma bar. Sylvester Stallone and Taylor Sheridan, cowboy hat and all, sit across from each other, kicking around ideas for Tulsa King Stallone: Alright, picture this: I’m a retired mobster, right? Everyone’s scared. I walk into a bar, bam, punches start flyin’. Next thing you know, I’m running the joint.…

  • The House of Shifting Sands

    In this whodunit, Detective Harlan is called to a lavish mansion to solve the mysterious murder of the eccentric Lord Fitzroy. The mansion is filled with guests, each with their own secrets and motives. However, what makes this investigation bizarre is the presence of a relentless moving crew hired to clear the house. As Detective…

  • Operational Obfuscation Specialist

    Monty Python-Style Job Interview for “Specialist in Hiding Loopholes” [Scene: A dingy office. The interviewer, wearing a bowler hat and carrying an enormous clipboard, sits behind an overly large desk. The job candidate, dressed in an impeccable suit, is seated in front of him. There is an absurdly large sign behind the desk that reads:…

  • Thucydides First Draft

    Alright, buckle the f* up, because I’m Thucydides, an Athenian, and I decided to write down the complete and total fing sshow that was the war between the Peloponnesians and the Athenians. Why? Because the moment these dumbasses threw the first punch, I was dead certain this was gonna be the biggest fing war anyone…