Category: Euclidean Politics

  • The Edge of history

    Fukuyama, bless his optimistic heart, saw the fall of the Berlin Wall as the grand finale, the curtain call on the human drama. History, with a capital H, would shuffle off the stage, replaced by a monotonous, albeit peaceful, epilogue of liberal democracies holding hands and singing Kumbaya. But Fukuyama, for all his impressive polysyllables, hadn’t reckoned with the carnivalesque id that lurks beneath the veneer of…

  • Bacon Boys

    Dig this, man. We’re talking way before the robber barons crapped all over everything. Back when Bacon’s boys spooked the Virginia swells something fierce, they ditched those white indentured stiffs for a whole new bag: black chattel. Seems the poor white trash and the Negroes were getting a little too chummy, what with the hightailing, the hooch-fueled rampages, the pilfered swine, and the whole miscegenation…

  • Non-Euclidean Politics

    Trapped in the Symbolic Order: They peddle their ideologies like used cars on a Martian lot – left wing, right wing, all rusted-out Lacaninan signifiers with a Symbolic Order malfunction. Stuck in their pre-Imaginary world, these Euclidean politicians can’t grasp the writhing, pulsating Real of realpolitik. They see the world as a goddamn line graph,…

  • Settlers

    US: (Slaps a map of the Middle East on the table, points a calloused finger at Israel) Hey you knuckleheads, gather ’round! This here’s how you tame the wild frontier, see? Ain’t no sugar-coating it, that’s how a land gets settled This here’s how you get yourself a piece of the pie, see? None of that…

  • Grand Apartheid

    A concrete jungle, pulsing, throbbing with white prosperity, stretched across the stolen land. But the white control freaks,twitchy and paranoid, couldn’t stomach the black presence. It was a virus in their sterile system. So the grand scheme,hatched in smoke-filled rooms thick with fear and ideology, began to crawl. A fever dream of segregation, a cartographer of hate redrawing the map with bulldozer blades.…

  • Manufacturing Agnosis

    This is precisely the obscene dialectic of ideology at its purest! Antistablishtan, much like Big Tobacco, thrives on the underside of belief—not a direct affirmation of an idea but the strategic injection of doubt to corrode the solidity of any competing narrative. It is not enough to sell a product; you must first create the…

  • Fear and Loathing in the Ministry of Truth

    There is no greater sin in the Church of the Perpetual Grift than reading Orwell and understanding him. That would be heresy—worse than treason, worse than tax increases. No, the only proper way to digest 1984 is to rip it apart like a rabid dog tearing through a steak wrapped in government bonds, chewing up…

  • ZIRP Personality

    What If Your Whole Personality Depended on Low Interest Rates? Worse—what if your entire social circle, your ideological shtick, your sense of meaning, was just a byproduct of a SoftBank write-down? That’s the uncomfortable reality a lot of people are facing right now. We’ve spent the last decade living inside a simulation powered by cheap…

  • “Everything Is Fine, Except When It Isn’t”: The Ideological Catastrophe of False Equivalence

    In the image before us, we encounter a political compass that deftly captures the underlying absurdities of our contemporary ideological landscape. Each quadrant satirically reduces the moral and political concerns of a particular ideological position to a singular, paradoxical statement: everything is framed as a dire issue except for the most egregious examples of that…

  • The Steroidal Abstraction

    In the contemporary landscape of intellectual discourse, a peculiar phenomenon has emerged: abstractions, once lean and limber, are now excessively pumped up, their muscles bulging with the aid of intellectual steroids. The modern theorist, driven by the insatiable hunger for recognition and authority, has resorted to augmenting their conceptual frameworks to the point of grotesque…