Category: Euclidean Politics
-
Trump Baroque
Trump Baroque is a gaudy, all-American fever dream—a steroid-jacked carnival of excess where reality itself is dragged into the ring, bloodied and screaming, and pumped full of the same greasy adrenaline that fuels WWE smackdowns, Real Housewives screaming matches, and Sopranos-grade betrayals. It’s not politics anymore; it’s a no-holds-barred grudge match, a theater of madness…
-
Don’t Be Evil
A Journey into “Sustainable Malevolence” It all started innocently enough, the way all these mind-numbing corporate revolutions do. A few high-functioning sociopaths in hoodies decided that the future of the world rested in the ability to “disrupt” industries at the speed of a startup burn rate. It started as a cute, nerdy motto on some…
-
Dispatches From The Edge
The Lithium Wars: A Modern-Day Game of High Stakes It’s a strange new world out there, and it’s all spinning a little too fast. The old conflicts—the Cold War standoffs, the battle for dominance between Communism and the West—seem quaint in retrospect, almost like a sideshow at the circus of history. Sure, there were plenty…
-
Pigfuck and The Sisters of Mercy
“Our faith in the integrity of the system has been restored! After all, democracy is alive and well—as long as we’re on top, of course. It’s a beautiful thing, really: ballots counted, recounts recounted, audits audited, until—by some miracle of divine intervention—Republicans win! Then, and only then, is the system above reproach, a paragon of…
-
Home Buyers
Let me tell you, kids today just don’t get it. I hear all this whining about “sky-high home prices” and “crippling student debt,” and you know what I say? You’re just not thinking big enough. You want affordable housing? Well, why don’t we start thinking about something that actually works: a good old-fashioned, global conflict…
-
Valencia Floods
www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcn… Oh, but it’s positively incredible how the people of Valencia clutch at the government’s skirts like lost children in a rainstorm! They actually expect warnings when a flood is on the way, as if nature itself should ring their doorbells. They imagine protocols will spring up to save them—protocols! Why, they could’ve simply popped…
-
Fear and Loathing In The Campaign
I am a many-issues voter. By now, I want them all to lose, every last one of them. Putin and Zelensky can tango into obscurity, locked forever in some insane echo chamber of their own making, each one screaming “Traitor!” into the other’s face. Trump and Harris? They should lose in such spectacular fashion that…
-
Disclaimer
Any mention of human rights in this statement applies selectively and is generally contingent upon geopolitical convenience. We would like to clarify that “universal” human rights claims may not universally apply and are subject to selective enforcement. Specific populations, such as the Palestinians, may experience inconsistencies in the application of these rights due to complex…
-
Democrats and the Subjunctive
The American HuperObject In American political discourse, much is made of the divide between Democrats and Republicans. Both are painted as polar opposites, with one representing progressive ideals and the other standing for conservative values. But when we strip away the surface, both parties operate within the same framework: the American Hyperobject. This Hyperobject, a…
-
What’s the Cosmos Punchline You Are Waiting For?
I keep waiting for the punchline. A cosmic punchline, to be specific. Maybe a booming voice from the heavens to drop the gag and clear the smoke, because it sure as hell can’t be real. What kind of sick joke have we wandered into this time? The war in Ukraine—stalemated and bloody, grinding on like…