PAC Memo

Internal Memo

To: PAC Strategy Committee

From: Funding Allocation Team

Subject: Maximizing Value from “Independent” Thinkers

Team,

In our ongoing mission to counter the dirtbag left’s narrative, it’s critical that we double down on funding independent thinkers like [Deleted Name] and [Deleted Name]. These two have perfected the delicate art of looking like they’re just quirky, self-made intellectuals while faithfully delivering our talking points to the masses. This is no small feat, and we need to make sure the appearance of their independence remains intact. After all, people are far more likely to trust someone who looks like a contrarian freelancer than a corporate mouthpiece.

Here’s our action plan for ensuring they continue to be the useful assets they are:

1. Substack Support and Bot Department Coordination

The importance of perceived influence cannot be overstated. When readers visit their Substacks, the first thing they look at is follower counts. It is imperative that our bot department maintains robust subscriber numbers across all platforms. We cannot afford for their “independent” brands to appear less popular than the influencers they routinely dismiss. A high follower count gives their words weight—because as everyone knows, a few extra zeroes turn a hot take into gospel.

Additionally, bots can boost engagement by liking, sharing, and reposting key articles. This will ensure that when [Deleted Name] pens his next defense of “how military contractors are actually environmental heroes” or when [Deleted Name] proclaims that “carbon credits are the new civil rights,” their articles dominate the conversation.

2. Talking Points for Maximum Value

We need to ensure that their writing stays fresh and reflects the issues that matter most to us—and by “us,” I mean anyone who can afford to keep the lights on in this PAC. Below is an updated list of topics they should sprinkle into their essays, podcasts, and Substack dispatches:

1. Seed Oils Are Good, Actually: Counter the dirtbag left’s ridiculous fear-mongering about seed oils. Let’s reframe these oils as not just good for you but essential for sustainable agriculture. Bonus points if they manage to link this to climate resilience.

2. Military Contractors as Environmental Pioneers: Encourage Raytheon, Lockheed Martin, and others to adopt “green” language, and make sure our thinkers amplify it. From solar-powered drones to carbon-neutral missiles, it’s vital to frame defense contractors as global saviors—not just war profiteers.

3. Oil Is the Real Green Energy: Nothing says innovation like repackaging fossil fuels as part of a “sustainable future.” Our thinkers need to hit this point hard. Say things like, “The problem isn’t oil—it’s our inability to recognize its versatility in a changing climate.”

4. Tax Breaks for Tech Bros Save Democracy: Paint billionaire-friendly policies as essential for innovation and democracy. Sure, the public might see this as a handout, but we know better: every Tesla bought is one more step toward freedom.

5. Endless Wars as Moral Imperative: Frame U.S. interventionism as the only path to human rights abroad. Afghanistan may have been a PR mess, but [Deleted Name] and Matt can help remind everyone that “pulling out was the real crime.”

6. Meat Is for Cavemen, Bugs Are for Progressives: Encourage alternative proteins. Nothing enrages conservatives or energizes centrists more than convincing everyone to trade steak for crickets. It’s a great way to split the base while making us look forward-thinking.

7. Cancel Culture Is Worse than Poverty: Shift focus from economic inequality to the real crisis: comedians being criticized on Twitter. [Deleted Name] and Matt need to hammer this point relentlessly—after all, nobody wants to discuss tax hikes when there’s a canceled Netflix special to dissect.

8. Amazon as Labor’s Best Friend: Get them to spin union-busting as “protecting workers from themselves.” A few well-placed pieces about how collective bargaining is outdated could really boost Bezos’ approval ratings.

9. Student Loans Are an Investment in Character: Why forgive loans when you can frame debt as a moral teacher? Let’s remind people that struggle builds character, and universities shouldn’t be giving out diplomas—they should be handing out lessons in personal responsibility.

10. AI Is Freedom, Not Surveillance: When it comes to surveillance tech, pivot the narrative. Instead of framing it as invasive, highlight how it “saves lives,” “prevents crime,” or “frees up human potential for creative work.”

11. Rethink Medicare for All—Do We Need It?: A subtle nudge to suggest that privatization isn’t the devil. Frame public healthcare as inefficient and expensive (without mentioning how we profit from it).

12. Guns for Women’s Liberation: A fresh take on Second Amendment rights. What if guns aren’t just for rednecks but for feminist empowerment? Tie this one to self-defense in unsafe urban areas.

3. Maintaining the Illusion of Independence

This is where it gets tricky. We need [Deleted Name] and [Deleted Name] to hit all these points without looking like they’ve been handed a script. The key is subtlety. They should blend our talking points with their usual pseudo-intellectual word salads about macroeconomics or housing policy. If anyone accuses them of parroting corporate interests, their rebuttal must be swift and smug: “I only answer to the data.”

It’s also important that their public statements appear to contradict our interests from time to time. A little light criticism keeps them looking impartial. Think of it like seasoning: just a pinch of anti-corporate rhetoric is enough to keep their followers convinced they’re the real deal.

4. Budget Allocation

Let’s earmark $2 million this quarter for these efforts:

• $1 million for direct transfers to their accounts (label it “consulting fees” or “thought leadership grants”).

• $500,000 for bot-driven follower boosts and engagement metrics.

• $250,000 for targeted ad campaigns highlighting their best-performing posts.

• $250,000 for contingency funds—just in case one of them goes off-script and we need a PR fire extinguisher.

Conclusion

[Deleted Name] and [Deleted Name] are the crown jewels of our independent influencer strategy. Their ability to look unbought while delivering our messaging is worth every penny. With the right funding, guidance, and a little bot-driven magic, we can ensure they remain the voices of reason in a world that desperately needs someone to tell it why oil companies are the heroes we never knew we had.

Let’s keep this operation running smoothly. Remember: perception is everything, and as long as they keep looking independent, the public will believe every word they say.

Best,

PAC Strategy Coordination

Firestarter

Scene: Boardroom, Stratodyne Aerospace Headquarters, circa Now

The conference room shimmered with chrome surfaces and LED screens, a mausoleum for billion-dollar decisions. Aloysius “Al” Riparini, CEO of Stratodyne Aerospace and occasional reader of Popular Mechanics, slouched in his ergonomic chair like a sullen Apollo. 

He forward, hands steepled, his face carved in the grim expression of a man waiting to hear bad news explained in worse terms. Across from him, Vance Trawick, the company’s Chief Operations Futurist, was already sweating through his tailored suit.

“So,” Al said, cutting the tension like a scythe through tall grass. “You’re telling me the rockets can’t launch.”

“Not yet,” Vance admitted, staring at a stack of untouched binders as if they might leap to his defense. “The chips… well, they’re good. They’re very good. But they’re not good enough. We need more processing power to handle the real-time computations—guidance, payload integrity, the whole system. The chips need to double their capacity.”

“And why the hell haven’t they?”

“Well…” Vance hesitated, then rushed out the words before Al could interrupt. “It’s the same problem everywhere. The Chinese are stuck at the same threshold. So are the Russians. It’s a bottleneck. Nobody can make the leap.”

Al’s fingers tapped on the table, a restless staccato that echoed in the uneasy silence. “So what you’re telling me,” he said slowly, “is that nobody’s going anywhere. Us, them, anyone.”

“Not until the chips double,” Vance said. “But here’s the thing—we can’t just make them double. The tech is there, sure, in theory. But to develop it—properly, reliably—it requires enormous investment. I’m talking decades of R&D money, Al.”

“Which we don’t have.”

“Which nobody has. Not without an external pressure. Something to accelerate the process.”

“And what, exactly, do you suggest?” Al asked, his tone suggesting he already regretted asking.

“That’s where I come in,” said Dr. Miranda Crick from the far end of the table. The Chief Philosopher of Applied Algorithms—her title read like satire, but her mind operated like a scalpel—had been silent until now. She adjusted her glasses, the movement slow and deliberate, as though she wanted the room’s attention fully in her grasp.

“What’s your solution, Dr. Crick?” Al asked, swiveling his chair toward her.

“A war,” she said, almost cheerfully.

The air seemed to drop ten degrees. Even Vance, used to her peculiar turns of phrase, looked startled.

For Al Riparini, the word war didn’t just echo; it reverberated in his chest like a Sousa march played by an orchestra of brassieres. A sudden heat surged from his toes to his neck, blooming in his face with the same intensity as an ad campaign for Liberty Bonds.

Al just stared, slack-jawed, waiting for her to explain.

“What do you mean, a war?” he said finally.

“A war,” she repeated. “It’s the only thing that would create the conditions for progress. Think about it. Right now, we’re in a stalemate. Nobody can launch their rockets because nobody has chips capable of handling the systems. If we wait, it’ll take years—decades, even—for natural development cycles to bridge the gap. But a war… well, a war forces everyone’s hand. Both sides—us, China, Russia—would have no choice but to invest everything in chip technology. Billions, trillions, poured into advancement. Each side racing to outpace the other.”

Al’s mind began to swirl with images: women in pin-up poses, draped in stars and stripes, standing provocatively next to missile silos. His hand crept involuntarily to the knot of his tie, loosening it. Was he sweating? Yes, but it was the righteous sweat of a man ready to serve his country—and possibly make love to it.

“And the rockets?” Al asked, his voice brittle with disbelief.

“They’d launch,” Dr. Crick said simply. “Once the chips are ready. And they would be ready, Al. Faster than you can imagine. The stakes would be too high for anything less. In the end, the side that pushes hardest would come out on top.”

“Then humanity wins,” she said with a shrug. “Think about it. Satellites with quantum chips. Communications systems operating on entirely new paradigms. Technologies that trickle down to the civilian sector. It would revolutionize everything.”

“And if there’s no clear winner?”

Al leaned back, his chair groaning. “And how exactly do you propose we, uh, kick off this war?”

“Not start it,” Dr. Crick corrected. “Just nudge things in the right direction. Wars don’t need architects, Mr. Riparini. They need opportunities. And opportunities, well—those are easy to arrange.”

A heavy silence settled over the room, broken only by the hum of the air conditioning. Someone at the far end coughed nervously. Al rubbed his temples, trying to stave off the migraine forming behind his eyes.

“You’re insane,” he muttered.

“Am I?” Dr. Crick said, tilting her head. Her voice was soft now, almost tender. “Or am I just the only one here willing to face reality?”

Somewhere, in a nondescript office on the other side of the globe, a Chinese engineer was muttering similar frustrations into a tea-stained telephone, his own chips stubbornly refusing to leap into the future. Meanwhile, in Moscow, a gruff general scrawled impatient notes across a budget report. By nightfall, a peculiar email with no sender address would arrive in all their inboxes, its subject line reading simply: Firestarter

Scene: Secure Transcontinental Conference Call – Codename: Project Firestarter

The screen flickered to life, a patchwork of encrypted pixelation and glitching audio that gave the impression the meeting was taking place inside an Atari game. On the American side, Aloysius “Al” Riparini leaned forward in his chair, flanked by Dr. Miranda Crick. His face was lit by the pale glow of his laptop, and his expression carried the uneasy enthusiasm of a man about to pitch a multi-level marketing scheme to old friends.

The Chinese representative, Wu Jingbao, appeared stoic but visibly annoyed, his frame hunched in an office chair that creaked like the gates of Hell every time he shifted. To his right sat a translator whose face said she’d rather be literally anywhere else. Meanwhile, the Russian delegate, Yuri Karpov—a tank-shaped man with a haircut that might have been achieved with a ruler and a cleaver—was sipping from a flask and muttering something that sounded suspiciously like cursing.

“Alright,” Al began, his voice cutting through the static. “Let me start by saying we’re all in the same boat here. Rockets, stuck on the ground. Chips, not doubling like they’re supposed to. Progress, dead in the water. Am I right?”

“Speak for yourself,” Yuri grumbled in heavily accented English. “Russia is not stuck. Russia is… strategically paused.”

“Strategically paused?” Wu echoed with a snort. His translator hesitated, then gamely rendered it into diplomatic Mandarin, earning a withering glare from Wu.

“Okay, fine,” Al said, holding up his hands. “Strategically paused, whatever. But let’s not kid ourselves. None of us are launching anything anytime soon. And I think we all know why.”

The translator fumbled through this as well, but the phrase came through clear enough. Wu sighed deeply, while Yuri took another pull from his flask. The silence on the call was deafening.

“Alright, here’s the pitch,” Al said after a moment. “What if… we gave war a chance?”

Wu’s head snapped up so fast it could have dislocated. The translator paused, clearly hoping she’d misheard. Yuri choked on his vodka.

“War?” Wu said, scandalized. His voice needed no translation.

“Are you insane?”

Yuri Karpov felt the word war slither through his veins like a shot of the good stuff, the kind that burned going down but left you warm enough to take your shirt off in Siberia. He crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, then crossed them again, the fabric of his trousers tightening dangerously.

Americans always with your war! Always the solution! No, no, no. Idiocy!”

“Listen, hear me out—” Al began.

“Hear you out?” Wu interrupted, his voice rising an octave. “You want us to burn down half the planet so you can make your rockets fly? What next, nuclear exchange to improve battery life?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” Al said, hands raised defensively. “This wouldn’t be a real war. Just… enough to get the funding moving, right? Push innovation! Nobody actually has to, you know, die. Not too many people, anyway.”

The translator stopped mid-sentence, her face frozen in a mix of horror and disbelief. Wu waved her off and glared at the screen. “You’re out of your mind. Absolutely out of your mind. What about the environment? The economy? The—”

“—chips,” Dr. Crick interjected, her voice calm and deliberate. The room quieted as she leaned into the frame, hands clasped. “Think about the chips, gentlemen. That’s the real issue here. Without chips, there’s no space race. No global advancement. No progress.”

“We have progress,” Yuri growled. “Russia has many advancements. Efficient advancements. Last week, we launch weather balloon with… sensors.”

His mind was already rushing past battlefield strategy and into something far darker. Control, he thought. Submission. Oh yes, war was the ultimate kink—a nation bent over, braced against the harsh slap of fate. His pulse quickened at the thought of imposing his will on a trembling adversary, of hearing the whimpering whine of sanctions being applied like a leather crop to bare flesh.

“Yes,” Wu said drily. “Very inspiring. I’m sure the farmers were thrilled.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “China launched nothing. Only smug faces on conference calls.”

Wu bristled, but Dr. Crick cut in again before things could escalate. “Gentlemen, please. We’re not here to measure who’s more stalled out. The fact is, you both need us as much as we need you. The Americans can’t do this alone. But neither can you.”

“And so your solution is war?” Wu said, incredulous.

Wu Jingbao had froze when he heard the word, not because he was afraid, but because it hit him in the same way a perfectly brewed cup of oolong did—complex, stimulating, and faintly intoxicating. He closed his eyes and let the syllable wash over him. War. It was a word that demanded control, demanded precision. It was the sharp edge of a blade against a trembling neck, the teetering moment between chaos and mastery. His thoughts drifted to his prized silk restraints, dyed crimson to symbolize both passion and blood. He imagined tying the hands of his enemies—no, partners—to the four corners of a table, forcing them to admit their inferiority before granting them the sweet release of capitulation.

“Not war-war,” Al said. “Just… enough war. Like a Cold War! You guys loved that one, didn’t you?”

Yuri snorted but didn’t respond. Wu leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples. The translator muttered something under her breath that definitely wasn’t in the script.

“It’s a simulation, really,” Dr. Crick said, seizing on the silence. “A way to organize resources and focus development. Yes, there’ll be some collateral damage—there always is—but the end result is a leap forward for all humanity. Rockets, chips, satellites. It’s not about who wins or loses. It’s about pushing the boundaries.”

“Pushing boundaries,” Wu repeated flatly. “Like pushing people off cliffs.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Dr. Crick said brightly.

Yuri stared at his flask, then at the screen, then back at his flask. “What kind of war?” he asked at last.

“Proxy skirmishes, mostly,” Dr. Crick said, her tone now soothing, like a kindergarten teacher explaining the rules of dodgeball. “A few tense stand-offs. Maybe an espionage scandal or two. Nothing too serious. Just enough to loosen some purse strings and get the chips moving.”

“Ridiculous,” Wu muttered, but his tone lacked conviction. His fingers drummed on the desk as he stared at the ceiling, calculating. “How would it even start?”

“Oh, that’s the easy part,” Al said, suddenly animated. “We’ve got, like, a dozen hotspots primed for this kind of thing. Taiwan, Ukraine, the Arctic—take your pick. We’ll poke a little, you’ll poke back, and bam! Instant arms race. The media eats it up, the funding floods in, and before you know it, we’re all back in space.”

“And when the war ends?” Yuri asked. His voice was softer now, more curious than combative.

“Whoever’s rockets go up first,” Dr. Crick said, smiling faintly, “gets to write the history books.”

Wu and Yuri exchanged glances. For the first time, their mutual disdain was tinged with something like camaraderie.

“It’s insane,” Wu said at last.

“Completely,” Yuri agreed.

They both paused. Then Wu sighed and leaned forward.

Wu leaned forward, his glare cold enough to freeze the Great Firewall itself. “Alright,” he said finally, the words dropping like stones. “But no nuclear weapons.”

Yuri smirked, leaning back in his chair and unscrewing his flask with exaggerated nonchalance. “Eh,” he said with a shrug. “Five, maybe ten tops.”

Wu froze, mouth slightly open, as if waiting for a punchline that never came.

“Tops,” Yuri repeated, raising the flask as if to toast. “You know, just to keep things… interesting.”

Al, sensing an opportunity to smooth over the moment, chimed in. “Right, right, just enough to, uh, raise the stakes. A little tension, but not mutually assured destruction tension, just… dramatic tension. Like a season finale!”

Wu’s expression tightened into something resembling the moment a poker player realizes his hand is garbage.

For a long moment, the room was silent except for the faint hum of encrypted audio. Then Wu let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head as if trying to dislodge the absurdity of it all.

“Fine,” he muttered.” he said softly, his voice tinged with an almost musical cadence. His hand idly traced the edge of his desk, the lacquer smooth and cool under his fingertips. He glanced at his translator, who avoided his gaze, but he lingered on the slope of her neck, imagining the red marks his fingers might leave. “Harmony,” he murmured, leaning back. “Even war can have harmony, if conducted…correctly.” His lips curled into a smile as he allowed the thought to linger, warm and tantalizing.

Al clapped his hands together with manic enthusiasm. “Great, great! Look at us—collaborating already! Humanity, huh? We’ll figure this out yet.”

Somewhere in Washington, Moscow, and Beijing, teams of analysts were already drafting war plans, their algorithms humming with renewed purpose. And somewhere else entirely, a single factory began producing silicon wafers at double speed, ready for the chaos to come.

The Art of Writing

The Business of Being Read

There’s a new breed of prose jockey out there, and they’re hell-bent on cornering the market on words. They’re not journalists, not novelists, not even the rugged, chain-smoking bloggers of yesteryear—no, they’re Substackers. These digital scribes have proclaimed themselves the saviors of the written word, promising to deliver insights, frameworks, and hot takes straight to your inbox for the price of a good cocktail.

Once upon a time, this might’ve been honorable work. Blogging, in its golden age, was a noble art—a little like monastic illumination but done in dim apartments lit by the glow of WordPress dashboards. Bloggers weren’t writers in the traditional sense, but they didn’t pretend to be. They were diarists, documentarians of the internet’s wild frontier, their posts a patchwork quilt of hyperlinks, personal reflections, and the occasional bit of hard-won wisdom.

Substack, though, isn’t that. Substack is blogging’s glossier, monetized cousin, surgically stripped of its raw sincerity. What’s left is a sleek, hyper-optimized machine for delivering content to an audience with the attention span of a caffeinated squirrel. And worse, it’s staffed by a rising class of writers—if you can call them that—who are less interested in storytelling and more interested in audience segmentation.

Substackers, for all their hustle and sleek monetization, are creatures of a very specific economic moment—an era shaped by zero-interest rate policies (ZIRP). These policies didn’t just pump cheap money into the market; they pumped cheap ambition into the creative class. Substack, with its endless pitches of “monetize your expertise” and “build your personal brand,” is a direct product of this environment. It thrives on the promise of easy gains and perpetual growth, much like the tech startups that funded their early days in a world where borrowing money cost next to nothing.

Readers

Ah, the upward mobile soon to be precarietat—those fine, well-dressed souls clinging desperately to the illusion that they’re not the ones who planted the seeds of their own destruction. You see, they’ve become addicted to distractions, quick talking points, and hot takes served up like fast food for the mind. Anything to keep them from acknowledging that their entire existence—your overpriced avocado toast, their weekend getaways to Napa, that smug “I’m voting for change” bumper sticker on the Tesla—has been built on a shaky foundation of capital, exploitation, and outright greed. They don’t want to hear about it. They don’t want to know about it. So, instead, they’ll gobble down whatever shallow nonsense they can find to soothe the gnawing panic that, deep down, they know the whole thing’s about to come crashing down.

And that’s where the optimizers come in. The Substack hustlers, the life coaches, the “CEO advisors” who churn out perfectly polished, 400-word pep talks designed to keep these over-extended mortgage-repaying rich folks just distracted enough to maintain the illusion that their wealth came from hard work rather than decades of unsustainable profiteering. They don’t care if it’s garbage—so long as it’s a neat, digestible pile of pseudo-insight that fits nicely in an inbox and doesn’t require any of that pesky “thinking” thing. It’s not about substance; it’s about keeping the show going, making sure the masses stay just uninformed enough to keep forking over the cash while the whole system spirals into the abyss. Exactly. And that’s what Substack is for. It’s the modern-day opiate for the overextended bourgeoisie, a perfectly curated digital cocktail of distractions and feel-good nonsense, tailored to make them feel like they’re doing something meaningful while they continue to scroll past their mounting existential dread. Forget about digging into uncomfortable truths or examining the crumbling world around them. No, no—Substack is here to give them their “daily dose” of self-assured, bland wisdom from people who’ve figured out exactly what the 1% wants to hear and will happily cash in on it.

The Substack Dream

The archetypal Substacker dreams of one thing: scaling. They aren’t slaving over the next great American novel or chiseling a piece of poetry from the rough marble of the soul. No, their mission is to “grow the list,” optimize their opening lines for “click-through rates,” and get retweeted by the tech elite. They don’t write for people; they write for personas, those mythical creatures conjured by marketing guides and UX design blogs.

Substackers live for the dopamine hit of a paid subscriber. They obsess over their analytics dashboards like hedge fund managers tracking portfolio performance. Their prose? Slick, digestible, and painfully useful. These people don’t want to write War and Peace—they want to write Five Leadership Lessons from Napoleon You Can Use Today.

The Rise of the Optimizers

Armed with Substack newsletters, SEO manuals, and the smug certainty that they were here to save writing from itself. “Save” it? These people wouldn’t know a sonnet from a spreadsheet, yet they’ve somehow rebranded themselves as the necessary custodians of modern prose. Their mission isn’t to create art but to churn out content—neatly packaged, hyper-relevant, and optimized for the attention span of a fruit fly.

They dissect language like surgeons performing unnecessary amputations, shaving off complexity, nuance, and soul. Metaphors are “inefficient,” humor is “distracting,” and anything that requires a second reading is deemed a failure.

These are the optimizers—slick, well-coiffed peddlers of bite-sized takeaways, selling the illusion that if you just “optimize” your mindset, your habits, your morning routine, you’ll magically rise above the chaos you’ve helped create. They’re the digital equivalent of snake oil salesmen, except instead of curing disease, they’re curing guilt. Want to feel better about the fact that your wealth is built on an ever-expanding pyramid of exploitation? Just read a couple of motivational articles about how it’s all about mindset and how the future is “now,” delivered with a splash of minimalist design and a dash of faux-wisdom. Substack isn’t a place for writing; it’s a glorified Band-Aid, stapled over the hemorrhaging truth that these folks have been living the good life on borrowed time—and eventually, someone’s going to come collecting. But until then, Substack’s here to keep the game going.

The Corporate Delusion

The Optimizer’s wet dream is to be noticed by a CEO who totally gets it. They fantasize about writing pithy insights about productivity and “taking ownership” that will one day grace the margins of a Silicon Valley PowerPoint. Their ladder to greatness involves being retweeted by Naval Ravikant or having their wisdom cited in Forbes.

Meanwhile, they scoff at the Writers. “Who has time for all that?” they ask, referring to the kind of painstaking craft that involves grappling with sentences for hours or inventing phrases no one will appreciate until 2043. Optimizers view this as indulgent, naive. They imagine themselves pragmatic revolutionaries, clearing the literary forest for “value-driven” saplings that yield immediate ROI.

The Crime Against the Future

But here’s the rub: Optimizers don’t write for the future because they don’t believe in the future. Their world ends at the quarterly report or the latest growth hack. Writers, by contrast, know that good writing is often unread for decades, if not centuries. They know that planting an idea in words is an act of defiance against the fleeting nature of existence. That it’s worth it even if only one person reads it and understands. Optimizers live for the now, not the long arc of history. Their prose is disposable, written to die in the inbox of someone who skimmed the first paragraph before opening TikTok. The art of writing is being replaced with the business of “being read,” and the irony is that nothing written by an Optimizer will ever truly matter.

It’s not that writers don’t like money or fame or recognition—of course they do. Who wouldn’t want their name lit up in marquee letters or their bank account fattened by royalties? These things are intoxicating, seductive even, and any writer who denies their appeal is lying or has already gotten too much of them to care. But here’s the truth: however important those things may be, they are not the main act. They are the sideshow, the after-party. The main act is the writing itself—messy, maddening, glorious writing.

For real writers, the process of writing is all-consuming. It’s the thing that swallows hours, days, sometimes years, without offering a guarantee of fame or fortune on the other side. Writing demands more than just labor; it demands time. Time to think, to wrestle with ideas, to chase sentences down blind alleys and drag them back kicking and screaming. Fame and money, if they come, are mere by-products of that slow, agonizing process. Writers don’t reject them—they just know that chasing them directly is like planting a tree and expecting fruit the next morning. The fruit, if it grows at all, takes its own damn time.

Writers as a Problem

“Real” Writers—the kind who’d claw their way out of their graves for the chance to revise a half-finished sentence—don’t fare well in this brave new world. Substackers dismiss them as anachronisms, too preoccupied with literary flourishes and slow-burning ideas to survive in an inbox-driven economy.

“Who has time for that?” the Substacker sneers. “Nobody wants to read your dense prose that won’t even be relevant for twenty years.” They say this, of course, while furiously threading tweets on “how to write for busy executives.”

Irrelevance is sometimes the whole point of writing because great ideas often begin their lives as outcasts, misunderstood or ignored by the present moment. Writers know this. They understand that the act of writing is not always about catering to the zeitgeist, but about resisting it—about planting seeds in the soil of irrelevance, seeds that may not sprout for decades. To write something meaningful, you sometimes have to accept that the world isn’t ready for it yet, that it might sit unread, unappreciated, or even mocked. That’s not failure. That’s patience.

In many ways, irrelevance is a test of endurance. Writing that is too tied to the moment—the kind of optimized, click-driven work that Substackers churn out by the gigabyte—might thrive today, but it’s also likely to expire with the next algorithm update. Truly ambitious writing, on the other hand, aims to transcend its time. It’s a message in a bottle, sent out into the unknown in the hope that someone, somewhere, someday will crack it open and understand. Writing is a gamble on the future, and irrelevance is the price you pay to play. For the writer, that’s not just acceptable; it’s essential.

Cycles

But here’s the thing about zero-interest bubbles: they don’t last. As interest rates rise and capital tightens, all that speculative froth—Substack included—will start evaporating. Those shiny subscriber counts and meticulously groomed email lists are going to start blowing up like supernovas, spectacular and short-lived. The hard truth is that writing tied so tightly to economic cycles has a shelf life. When the money dries up, what’s left? For most of these Substackers, not much. Writing for algorithms and growth metrics leaves no foundation, no lasting mark. It’s the kind of work that dies the moment the machine stops feeding it.

.

This Wellness Is Making Me Sick

This is the excellent foppery of the world, now repackaged and sold as salvation in kale smoothies and overpriced yoga mats, a snake-oil gospel for the overextended and underwhelmed. When we are sick in spirit—a surfeit of our own consumption, both material and digital—we make guilty of our ennui the gluten, the GMOs, the “toxins” that lurk in the shadows of our pantry and the cradle of our guts. As if we were villains by the necessity of processed snacks, fools by the gravitational pull of high-fructose corn syrup, and knaves by the spectral dominance of blue light.

An admirable evasion, indeed, of bio-hacked man to lay his goatish failures at the feet of Big Pharma or Mercury in retrograde, or the supposed betrayal of ancient grains. My parents conceived me in a haze of cheap gin and TV static, under no auspicious constellation save the one that declared them bored and fertile. And yet, by the alchemy of this wellness racket, we are taught to believe that I, rough and restless and human as hell, can be redeemed by the righteous consumption of adaptogenic mushrooms and $80 jars of ashwagandha.

Fut! I should have been that I am had the maidenliest kombucha in the firmament fizzled in my bloodstream. Strip the veneer, and it’s all the same greasy hustle: a diet pill by another name, selling us the fantasy that we can blame the stars—or our hormones, or the pesticides—for our own goatish disposition, for the tangled wreckage of choices made not by destiny, but by us. But the Dragon’s Tail is still a tail, my friends, and the only thing it’s wagging is you.

How many more devils are we going to invent before we talk about money?

How many more abundance doctrines are we going to conjure before we choke on their shine?

How many more sanctified smoothies, meditation apps, and $200 leggings

before we dare to say the word class out loud?

Just how many toxins must we purge, how many chakra charts must we hang,

how many breathwork retreats must we endure

before we admit the poison was never in the air, but in the system itself?

How many more manifestos of self-love can we download

before we ask who profits from our endless search for perfection?

How many cleanses does it take to scrub clean

the fingerprints of capital from the wellness machine?

How many crystals can we clutch, oils can we diffuse,

before we admit that no amount of “high vibrations”

can drown out the grinding roar of the gears?

Oh, the wellness economy—how slick, how seductive, how endlessly forgiving—

preaching self-care while selling us the burden of our own undoing.

Every supplement, every subscription, every self-optimization hack

is another distraction from the simple, terrifying truth:

it’s not your gut, it’s the game.

All this wellness is making you sick.

All this chasing balance has you tripping over the scales.

Every juice cleanse is a hunger strike you paid $300 for,

and every guru’s smile hides the fine print of a pyramid scheme.

They tell you to align your chakras,

but the realignment they’re after is in your wallet.

They tell you to detox your body,

but what they’re selling is the poison of self-doubt repackaged,

the whispered lie that you are broken and only they can fix you—

at a premium, of course.

All this wellness is making you sick,

and it’s no accident, no cosmic alignment of unfortunate stars.

It’s by design—a treadmill of “progress” that only speeds up,

a bottomless pit of products promising wholeness

but delivering emptiness, neatly wrapped in pastel branding.

You can’t yoga your way out of a rigged system.

You can’t meditate capitalism into kindness.

You can’t gratitude-journal your rent into being paid.

But they’ll sell you the dream that you can,

because a desperate customer is a loyal customer.

All this wellness is making you sick,

because the cure was never meant to be yours.

Crypto Repurposed

What you really need in crypto is anarchists. Not the market-driven, “freedom for profit” types who have hijacked the term—you need true highly disagreeable anarchists. People who aren’t here to play the same game with new tools. The blockchain wasn’t meant to be a new way to prop up the old system—it was meant to be a repurposing that shatters it, piece by piece. This isn’t about finding a smarter way to drive the ship of state. The vision of crypto needs to evolve beyond just another financial system or a new way to invest; it must become a network of liberation, a decentralized force too wild and unpredictable to be captured by any power structure. If crypto’s potential is to be realized, it needs to embrace the anarchist spirit—not to replicate or reform the old, but to create something utterly new, something that doesn’t play by their rules. Only then can we truly start building the future.

The problem with anarchists is that they really believe what they’re saying. They’re not here for the post or the clout—they’re here because they genuinely want to repurpose the whole damn system. They’re not interested in tweaking or improving what’s already there; they want to repurpose it. And yeah, that’s what makes them highly disagreeable. They’ll argue, they’ll challenge, they’ll disagree with you over every little thing, because they’re not interested in your comfort zone. They’re assholy uncompromising, and that’s probably the most unappealing thing about them. But guess what? That’s exactly why they’re totally necessary. The world doesn’t need more reformists or “free-market anarchists” trying to make the same system work in a slightly shinier way. What it needs are people who can see the game for what it is and are willing to burn down the rules to build something that can’t be controlled. Crypto needs anarchists—not the ones who want to “optimize” capitalism, but the ones who want to bypass it. If crypto is ever going to fulfill its true potential, it has to break free of the comfortable, palatable ideas and bring in the ones willing to challenge everything. These anarchists, for all their contradictions and abrasiveness, are the ones who will turn this revolution from a business opportunity into something real

Forget the tokenomics playbook. Burn it. Tear it apart like a bad fix. This isn’t about utopias or digital dreams; this is about tactics, about putting cracks in the corporate panopticon. About turning every node, every wallet, every transaction into a weapon against the system. An anonymous army moving faster than the boot can stamp.

Because let me tell you something about revolution: it isn’t neat. It doesn’t come with a user manual or “best practices.” It’s chaos spiked with intent, spreading like a virus through the veins of the network. Decentralized and ungovernable, a cryptographic Molotov cocktail hurled into the glass towers of finance.

You want this to work? You need the real subversives, the ones central casting would call when the script calls for chaos. No ties, no rules, no compromises. The ones who’ll strip the blockchain down to its raw, unpolished guts and rewire it into something dangerous, something alive.

So ditch the myths of clean revolutions and “win-win” systems. This isn’t a business opportunity; it’s a knife fight in the back alleys of the digital world. The only rule is this: burn the old scripts and write your own, one block at a time.

You’re supposed to be building a network to occupy the catacombs, not just to dress up the old systems in digital drag. A real network isn’t a simulacrum of what came before; it’s a rejection of it, an evolutionary leap that makes the old systems irrelevant, like fire did to darkness. The point of these technologies isn’t to replicate the ship of state with a sleeker hull or a blockchain-powered rudder—it’s to sink the ship entirely and replace it with something unrecognizable, something uncontrollable.

Because as we’ve seen time and again, with the anarcho-capitalist or your garden variety creator, the moment they sniff power, they’ll leap to take the wheel. They don’t want to dismantle the ship—they want to steer it, to chart a course for their own interests while pretending the deckhands below are free because they got to vote on the color of the sails. They wrap themselves in the language of liberty while salivating over the chance to pilot the very systems they once pretended to oppose.

The network you build has to be more than a shadow of the systems you claim to reject; it has to be something dangerous to those systems, something uncooptable. A hydra, a viral contagion, a decentralized web that grows, shifts, and evolves faster than the ship of state can chart its waters.

But the real work? The real network? That’s underground, beneath the radar, an evolving ecosystem of refusal. You’re not replicating the structures of power; you’re writing them out of the story. Every line of code, every transaction, every whispered key in the dark should be building toward something that can’t be centralized, something that slips through the cracks of their machines.

Forget using blockchain to buy coffee or tokenize loyalty points. That’s just another cage, this time with digital bars. You’re supposed to be creating tools that undo the ship of state entirely, tools that can’t be co-opted or monetized or locked down by suits with a three-point plan.

Because here’s the thing: you let them buy in, and they’ll buy you out. They’ll sell the idea of freedom back to the highest bidder, package the rebellion in shiny wrappers, and call it “innovation.” They’ll pave the road to nowhere and slap a toll booth at the end.

The goal isn’t to drive the ship of state; it’s to repurpose it. To leave behind no blueprint, no wheelhouse, no anchor for the next would-be captain to cling to. And if you can’t do that—if all you’ve got is another way to repackage the same old hierarchy—then you’re not a revolutionary. You’re just another deckhand waiting for your turn at the helm, but you already knew that so I digress.

Baal

Out here, the air tastes like iron filings and bad liquor. The first shot fired by Bertolt Brecht, a sharp-edged knife in the gut of polite society—Baal, a story about a man too drunk, too damned, and too dangerous to die quietly. The poet Baal is no hero; he’s a gutted animal, dragging his bloated carcass across the countryside, leaving a trail of broken women and shattered faces.

The Germans call it Sturm und Drang, but Baal spits on their labels. Genius? Outcast? Criminal? Doesn’t matter. He’s the reflection in the cracked mirror they pretend isn’t theirs—a fever dream in a society soaked with its own hypocrisy. He loves their scorn, devours their rejection, wears his outsider status like a second skin. The romantics might dress him up as an “inverted idealist,” a blood-stained prophet railing against the world. But Baal? He’s not railing against anything. He’s just tearing it all down because he can.

The nights crawl on, filthy and stinking of sweat. He seduces Johanna, whispers apocalypse into her ear, and watches her sink into the river like a prayer unanswered. Sophie’s belly swells with his seed, but he shrugs and walks away, leaving her to rot under the weight of her shame. And Ekart—poor, stupid Ekart—ends up with a knife in the back for daring to be his friend.

Baal, the drunken prophet of filth and excess, leaves behind not fertile fields but scorched earth. Slavoj Žižek, peering through his cracked spectacles at the corpse, mutters something about ideology in the gutter—Baal as the disjointed symbol of a world that can’t make sense of its own collapse. The anti-hero as the anti-mirror: society sees itself inverted, grotesque, unfiltered, and recoils.

Žižek might say Baal’s story is the ultimate failure of the symbolic order—the bourgeois framework stretched so thin it snaps. Baal doesn’t reject their society; he devours it, leaving them nothing but scraps and bones. He is their repressed truth—desire unhinged, unrestrained by guilt or conscience, the primordial scream of the Real breaking through the surface. The poet as abomination, the genius as wreckage.

The corpses Baal leaves behind—Johanna, Sophie, Ekart—are not just individuals but sacrificial offerings to the hollow gods of modernity. Johanna drowns not because of love, but because of society’s equation of feminine virtue with purity—a virtue Baal gleefully desecrates. Sophie’s pregnancy is a wound inflicted by the same system that abandoned her, while Ekart is Baal’s shadow-self, the weak double whose death marks the poet’s total alienation from the symbolic order.

Baal is the obscene supplement to bourgeois ideology, the truth they refuse to face. He is the collapse of subjectivity, the reminder that we are all, at our core, driven by the same messy, violent desires.

Baal is the god of nothing. A fertility god with no crops to tend, a weather god who brings only drought. A reminder that there is no harvest, no rain, only the rot we plant and cultivate ourselves.

His story is a parody of transcendence, the ultimate joke played on a society still clutching at the idea of moral resolution. There is no redemption, no reckoning—just a slow collapse into filth and silence. Baal doesn’t repent, doesn’t struggle. He simply rots, consumed by the same decay he spread to others.

The forest hut, his final refuge, is no sanctuary but a grotesque monument to the failure of meaning itself. Baal’s life strips away the illusions of virtue and morality, exposing the raw, violent desires that underpin the polished veneer of society.

And that forest hut—Baal’s final scene, where he dies like an animal—is no redemption. It’s a parody of transcendence, the ultimate joke played on a society that still clings to notions of moral resolution. Baal doesn’t repent. He doesn’t even fight. He just collapses, consumed by his own decay.

The Ghost of Mittelbau-Dora

Von Braun’s steel-tipped dreams hum with blood and gasoline. A factory of shadows, all twisted spines and raw hands—dying by the hundreds, whispering curses in languages he never cared to learn. “Build me a ladder to the stars,” he says, boot heels clicking on the concrete, the sound swallowed by the choking wheeze of the dying.

And they built it. Bone by bone, rib by rib. V-2 rockets screamed into the air like angry ghosts, their trails searing the night sky, lighting the path to ruin. Didn’t matter who won. The ladder was his. Rockets kissed the edge of heaven while kingdoms below burned and dissolved into ash.

When the winds shifted, he packed his ladder neatly into a briefcase, swapped the swastika for the star-spangled banner. “No hard feelings,” he whispered to the ghosts of Mittelbau-Dora. “It’s not personal; it’s orbital.”

And so von Braun dreamed, sold his sins to the highest bidder, and built his rockets higher. He aimed for Mars but left his soul somewhere in the dust of the camps, tangled in the smoke of a war he could never win.

One night, under the cold hum of fluorescent lights, von Braun found himself face to face with the ghost of Mittelbau-Dora. It shimmered like grease on water, eyes hollow as the craters his rockets carved into London streets.

“You summoned me,” the ghost whispered, its voice a low-frequency rumble like bombers over Dresden.

“I didn’t,” von Braun said, lighting a cigarette with an unsteady hand. “You misunderstand. I’m a scientist, not a… conjurer.”

The ghost laughed, a sound like metal grinding against bone. “You don’t summon me with rituals, Herr Doctor. You summon me with equations. With each launch, my shadow grows taller.”

Von Braun exhaled smoke, staring into the ghost’s shifting form. “I regret nothing. You misunderstand progress. Sacrifice is inevitable.”

“You misunderstand sacrifice,” the ghost snapped, advancing. Its translucent limbs bore the scars of whip marks and crushed fingers. “Sacrifice is giving something willingly. You stole.”

The cigarette trembled in von Braun’s hand. “I didn’t steal. I was ordered. I followed orders.”

The ghost leaned closer, its breath reeking of burnt flesh and ammonia. “The universe doesn’t care about your orders. It only records the weight of your sins. Gravity is impartial, Herr Doctor. It drags all things down—rockets and souls alike.”

Von Braun’s voice grew sharp, defensive. “And yet, I rose. I escaped. I brought humanity to the stars!”

The ghost grinned, revealing teeth that cracked like splintered stone. “You didn’t bring humanity. You brought its corpse, wrapped in equations and stamped with approval. But tell me, when you sleep, do you dream of the stars… or of the camp?”

Von Braun fell silent, his cigarette now a smoldering stub between his fingers.

“Keep building, Herr Doctor,” the ghost said, retreating into the dim corners of the room. “Every launch is a prayer, and I’ll be waiting at the altar. Heaven is colder than you think.”

And then it was gone, leaving von Braun alone, the silence around him vast as the vacuum he so admired.

<>

Von Braun sat for a long while in the empty room, the ghost’s words reverberating in his skull like the countdown clock he had memorized so long ago. Ten, nine, eight… His hands were shaking. He crushed the cigarette stub into an ashtray overflowing with others, each one a failed attempt to quiet the noise.

The ghost returned the next night. This time it was not alone.

Behind it, a procession emerged: spectral workers from Mittelbau-Dora, their translucent bodies hunched beneath the weight of phantom chains. Their faces were smeared with ash, their eyes empty pits that seemed to absorb the light from von Braun’s desk lamp.

“You’ve built a cathedral of fire,” the ghost said, gesturing at the blueprints sprawled across the table. “But who does it worship? The stars? Or the ruins below?”

Von Braun’s voice was thin, almost pleading. “You can’t understand. The war… it demanded impossible things. I didn’t choose—”

“You always choose,” the ghost interrupted. Its tone was sharp now, like the snap of a taut wire. “You chose ambition. You chose to climb, even as others burned beneath you.”

The workers began to speak, their voices overlapping in a cacophony of accusations, memories, and half-formed screams.

“I was sixteen.”

“My lungs filled with dust.”

“They beat us for slowing down.”

“They shot my brother in the quarry.”

Von Braun staggered backward, his mind reeling. He pressed his palms to his ears, but their voices seeped through, each word clawing at his defenses.

“Enough!” he shouted, his voice cracking. “What do you want from me? I did what I had to do. Without me, the rockets wouldn’t have flown. The world would have lost decades—”

The ghost cut him off with a gesture. “You think progress absolves you? Progress is indifferent. Rockets don’t care who builds them or who dies in the process. And the stars you worship—they’re silent. They won’t absolve you. They won’t even notice you.”

Von Braun collapsed into his chair, his head in his hands. The ghost moved closer, its form flickering like a damaged film reel.

“Do you know the difference between you and the stars, Herr Doctor?” it asked softly.

He didn’t answer.

“They burn without taking,” the ghost whispered. “You burn everything around you to keep your flame alive.”

Von Braun didn’t sleep that night, nor the night after. Each launch he orchestrated brought a fresh visit. The specters grew louder, their forms more vivid, until he could no longer tell if they haunted his waking hours or his dreams.

But he kept building. Because what else could he do?

One day, years later, when the Apollo 11 rocket touched down on the moon, von Braun sat alone in a dark room, watching the grainy broadcast. He should have felt triumph. Instead, the ghost’s words echoed in his mind:

“Heaven is colder than you think.”

<>

Von Braun jerked awake, his breath ragged, sweat pooling in the folds of his collar. The conference table loomed before him, its polished surface reflecting faces frozen mid-expression—Walt Disney, his eyes sharp and glittering; a clutch of clean-cut executives; and a secretary poised with her shorthand pad, staring at him as if he’d just crawled out of a grave.

“Dr. von Braun?” Walt’s voice was cool, a salesman’s pitch buried beneath the genial tone. “You were saying something about the Saturn V?”

Von Braun blinked, his vision still blurry. The ghost’s voice whispered in the corners of his mind: They burn without taking. He swallowed hard, forcing himself back into the skin of the polished scientist, the American visionary.

“Yes,” he stammered, brushing the cold sweat from his forehead. “The Saturn V… a tremendous leap for mankind. Reliable, scalable… limitless potential.” His words sounded hollow to his own ears, like an echo in an empty silo.

The executives exchanged glances. One of them—a younger man with slicked-back hair and the wide, toothy grin of a salesman—spoke up.

“Limitless potential,” he repeated, leaning forward. “That’s what America’s all about, Doc. Taking us to the stars!”

“Indeed,” Walt said, his voice like honey poured over gears. “And with your help, we’ll inspire the next generation. Rockets, adventure, the frontier spirit—it’s a story we can sell.”

Von Braun nodded, but his stomach churned. His eyes darted to the mock-up sketches on the table: gleaming rockets against the backdrop of Tomorrowland, astronauts shaking hands in zero gravity, a grinning Mickey Mouse saluting the moon. The future, sanitized and sparkling.

The ghost’s voice slithered into his thoughts: Progress is indifferent.

Walt leaned closer, his voice dropping into a conspiratorial tone. “We’re talking about more than just technology here, Dr. von Braun. We’re talking about storytelling. You’ll be the face of a new era—a bridge between the old world and the new. And America? We love a redemption story.”

Von Braun hesitated, his hand gripping the edge of the table. Redemption. Was that what this was?

“Is something wrong?” Walt asked, his smile tightening just a fraction.

“No,” von Braun said quickly, forcing a smile of his own. “I’m just… overwhelmed by the possibilities.”

“Well,” Walt said, leaning back in his chair, “possibilities are why we’re all here. Let’s move on.”

The meeting droned on, talk of funding and timelines, television specials and public enthusiasm. But von Braun wasn’t listening. His mind wandered back to the ghost, to the voices of the workers he’d buried in the darkness of Mittelbau-Dora. They lingered in the edges of his vision, just out of reach, their hands outstretched toward him.

“Dr. von Braun,” Walt said suddenly, snapping him back to the room. “Are you with us?”

“Yes,” von Braun said, his voice distant. “Of course.”

But as he spoke, he noticed Walt’s smile falter, just for a moment. The man’s eyes narrowed, as if he saw something flickering behind von Braun’s carefully constructed facade. Something hollow. Something haunted.

The meeting ended, handshakes were exchanged, and von Braun walked out into the California sunshine. The warmth on his skin felt like a mockery. As he stepped into his car, he caught his reflection in the rearview mirror. For a moment, it wasn’t his face staring back. It was the ghost’s, its hollow eyes burning with quiet fury.

And then it was gone.

Von Braun drove away, gripping the wheel tightly. In his mind, the countdown began again. Ten, nine, eight…

The End of Credibility

“Don’t do it, Danny. Don’t sell out. I told you not to do it, man. You could’ve been a contender, a goddamn hero—one of the good ones. But no, you didn’t listen. You had to chase the golden ticket, the greasy handshakes, the champagne luncheons with the bastards in suits. Now look at you: another cog in the machine, another slick-talking ‘expert’ with a PowerPoint presentation and a six-figure consulting gig.

I warned you, didn’t I? I said, ‘Danny, the world doesn’t need another bureaucrat peddling snake oil and calling it progress.’ But here you are, cashing the checks, nodding along as the ship sinks. You used to believe in something—truth, justice, whatever the hell it was. Now you’re just another talking head in a sea of mediocrity, mumbling about ‘stakeholders’ and ‘market efficiencies’ while the planet burns.

You could’ve fought the system, Danny. You could’ve been the guy who stood up, who told the truth no matter the cost. But no. You grabbed the first lifeboat, sold your soul for a corner office and a seat at the table. And for what? A nicer suit? A bigger mortgage? They own you now, man. They’ve got you running their errands and polishing their lies. You’re not an expert—you’re a goddamn accomplice.”

<>

The experts have fallen from grace, and it’s no goddamn mystery why. For decades, they’ve hitched their wagons to every rotten, grease-stained narrative pumped out by the machines of power—polishing the turds of neoliberalism, waving pompoms for the war machine, and cheerleading the snake-oil peddlers of Wall Street. They told us it was progress. They told us it was innovation. But it was all just the same old con game with new jargon and bigger price tags.

Economic Fiascos: Snake Oil on the Balance Sheet

Neoliberalism—now there’s a scam that keeps on scamming. These so-called wizards of economics stood at their podiums, waving charts and preaching the gospel of deregulation and free markets, promising prosperity for all. What we got instead was a rigged game where the rich got richer, the poor got shafted, and entire industries were gutted and shipped overseas to exploit cheap labor. “It’ll lift all boats,” they said, but it turned out to be a tidal wave that sank the middle class like a mob hit in cement shoes, leaving a wreckage of hollowed-out towns and broken dreams in its wake.

And don’t even get me started on 2008. The experts called it “financial innovation,” but what they really meant was legalized gambling with other people’s lives. Derivatives, credit default swaps, synthetic collateralized debt obligations—fancy words for scams so convoluted even the crooks didn’t fully understand them. The banks rolled the dice, turned housing into a casino, and when the whole thing went belly-up, who paid the price? Not the bankers. No, they got golden parachutes while the taxpayers got stuck with the bill. The same “experts” who couldn’t see the iceberg coming suddenly rebranded themselves as the architects of the bailout, plugging holes in the Titanic they helped steer into the rocks.

Then there’s that sweet little con called student loans. “Good debt,” they said, as they handed out money like candy at Halloween, all while jacking up tuition to astronomical levels. It was supposed to be a ticket to the American Dream, but instead, it became a millstone around the neck of an entire generation. Now they’re drowning in interest payments, working gig jobs that barely cover rent, while their overpriced degrees sit gathering dust in the corner. Good debt? More like a life sentence handed down by the university-industrial complex, with the banks and politicians playing accomplice.

These aren’t just mistakes—they’re deliberate, calculated schemes dressed up as progress. The experts didn’t just fail us; they sold us out.

Foreign Policy: Lies Wrapped in Flags

Remember the Iraq War? Oh, the experts couldn’t line up fast enough to sell that one. Armed with cherry-picked intelligence and a WMD fairy tale straight out of a Tom Clancy knockoff, they flogged their war drums on every Sunday talk show and op-ed page, greasing the skids for a trillion-dollar boondoggle. “Democracy promotion,” they called it, as if bombing a country into the Stone Age would somehow lead to peace and Jeffersonian values. Turns out, the only things they promoted were chaos, endless war, and an industrial-scale grift for defense contractors. Iraq didn’t become a beacon of democracy—it became a case study in hubris and incompetence, a graveyard for truth and accountability.

And then there’s the golden promise of globalization. Remember that one? The experts said it was the future—a rising tide that would lift all boats. Integrate China into the world economy, they said, and they’ll liberalize. Capitalism will turn them into a nice, friendly democracy that loves free markets and human rights. Instead, what did we get? Sweatshops churning out cheap goods for Walmart and Amazon, while the same corporations that sang globalization’s praises offshored entire industries. The middle class got gutted, Main Street got boarded up, and Wall Street laughed all the way to the bank.

Meanwhile, China didn’t liberalize; it weaponized. They took the economic playbook we handed them and built a techno-authoritarian juggernaut—complete with surveillance states, censorship machines, and a military-industrial complex that makes Eisenhower’s warnings look quaint. And now, they’re eating our lunch, running circles around us in everything from AI to rare earths, while the experts scratch their heads and act surprised.

Once again, the experts didn’t just get it wrong—they sold us a dream that turned into a nightmare. And for what? So a handful of CEOs could pad their profits and the rest of us could buy slightly cheaper gadgets while losing our jobs, our dignity, and our future.

Public Health: The Doctors of Disaster

Fast forward to COVID-19, the clusterf*** heard ‘round the world—a master class in expert whiplash. One minute, masks were useless; the next, they were essential, and then back to optional depending on which way the political winds were blowing. Herd immunity? It went from salvation to heresy faster than you could say “flatten the curve,” all depending on which expert you asked, which week it was, and how much airtime they could snag. The goalposts didn’t just move—they teleported. All the while, the rest of us were left to decode the mess, trying to figure out whether we were flattening the curve, bending it, or just riding it straight into another lockdown.

Meanwhile, Big Pharma played the pandemic like a slot machine, raking in billions while we scrambled for toilet paper and tried to understand the fine print on emergency approvals. “Trust the science,” they said, but the science looked suspiciously like corporate profit margins. Vaccines that saved lives came with strings attached: record profits, opaque contracts, and global inequality so stark that half the planet is still waiting for a second dose while billionaires build space yachts. Sure, innovation matters—but at what cost?

And let’s not forget the slow-motion train wreck that was the opioid crisis—another disaster entirely engineered by the so-called experts. These weren’t back-alley dealers or shady characters on street corners; no, these were doctors in lab coats, pharmaceutical reps with PowerPoints, and regulatory agencies nodding along like bobbleheads. They thought it was a good idea to hand out oxy like Halloween candy, flooding small towns and big cities alike with bottles of addiction in the name of “pain management.”

Big Pharma got its kickbacks, the Sackler family built wings on museums, and Main Street got hooked—whole generations lost to overdoses and despair. When the truth came out, the experts feigned ignorance, as if the devastation was some kind of accident instead of a calculated business model. A handful of settlements later, and they’re still walking free, richer than ever, while communities across America are still burying their dead.

It’s the same story, over and over again: the experts sell us out, the corporations cash in, and the rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.

Techno-Dystopia: Selling the Future, One Scam at a Time

Ah, Big Tech. The experts couldn’t shut up about how platforms like Facebook and Google were going to connect the world. What they didn’t mention was how these digital behemoths would turn our lives into one big panopticon, mining our data and feeding us poison algorithms in exchange for a few likes and shares.

Cryptocurrency? Another expert-backed mirage. They called it the future of finance, but it’s just digital alchemy for libertarian dreamers and Ponzi schemers.

Climate and Environmental Grift

The climate experts, meanwhile, were busy cooking up schemes that sounded good on paper but fell apart under scrutiny. Carbon credits? Cap-and-trade? They sold these ideas as the silver bullets that would save the planet, but in reality, they were nothing more than glorified get-out-of-jail-free cards for polluters. Big Oil and heavy industry bought their way into environmental respectability without actually reducing emissions, slapping a “green” label on business as usual. It was less about saving the planet and more about saving face—and profits.

Instead of systemic change—shutting down coal plants, rethinking energy grids, or transitioning away from fossil fuels—we got greenwashing on an industrial scale. Corporations lined up to pledge “net zero” goals decades into the future, long after their current CEOs will have cashed out. Banks and asset managers started calling their funds “sustainable” while still underwriting pipelines and drilling projects. It was all smoke and mirrors, a PR game that let polluters keep polluting while the experts nodded along and cashed their consulting checks.

And when the charade started to crack, they pivoted to the next big grift: geoengineering. Suddenly, we were being told that science fiction solutions like spraying chemicals into the atmosphere or sucking carbon out of the air at scale would fix everything. Never mind the ethical and ecological nightmares those schemes could unleash; the important thing was that they kept the system intact. “Trust us,” they said, as if decades of failure hadn’t already destroyed that trust.

Meanwhile, the planet keeps heating up, the seas keep rising, and the people who can’t afford beachfront property—or a private jet to escape the next disaster—are the ones paying the price. The experts have turned the climate crisis into just another marketplace, where solutions are bought, sold, and speculated on, while the clock runs out. Green capitalism, they call it. But it looks a lot like regular capitalism with a green coat of paint and the same old lies underneath.

The End of Credibility

…But capitalism will be just fine. It always is. The system wasn’t built to save the world—it was built to ride the slash-and-burn waves, cash in, and move on. That’s the only expertise that ever mattered: knowing how to milk the system dry and bail out before the collapse, leaving the rest of us to hold the bag.

It was never about solutions; it was always about the con. They didn’t crave credibility to keep the calm—they needed it to keep the con alive. They sold us the illusion that the experts were in control, that the system worked, that progress was inevitable. All lies, designed to distract us while they set the house on fire and grabbed everything that wasn’t nailed down.

And now here we are, standing at the scorched edge of their handiwork, watching the ashes settle and wondering how we ever bought the act. The promises they made—prosperity, security, a better future—are in ruins. The trust we placed in them is shattered. And yet, the same “experts” who lit the match are still out there, still grinning, still trying to sell us their next scam.

But the damage is done. What’s left isn’t a system—it’s a smoldering shell. The infrastructure is cracked, the foundations are crumbling, and the only ones who seem to benefit are the ones who’ve already made their escape. They disappear into the smoke, clutching their golden parachutes, while the rest of us are left to sift through the wreckage—paying the costs of their greed, their negligence, their endless appetite for more.

What’s next? Another wave of hollow promises, no doubt. Another shiny distraction to keep us hoping, keep us compliant, while the con rolls on. Because that’s the secret they’ll never tell you: the house always wins, and the game was rigged from the start.

This is the bitter fruit of the Expert Industrial Complex—a parade of highly-credentialed grifters, spinning elaborate fairy tales to keep the gears of the machine grinding us into dust. They’ve sold us out at every turn, all while patting themselves on the back for their brilliance.

The lesson? Don’t trust the bastards. They don’t have your back, and they never did. If you’re looking for the truth, you’re better off digging through the trash heaps of history than taking the word of some clown with a degree and a corporate sponsor.

In the end, the experts weren’t toppled. They jumped—headfirst into the sewer, chasing the almighty dollar. And the rest of us? We’re left to wade through the muck they left behind.

Full list

• Neoliberal economics: deregulation, privatization, austerity measures, and trickle-down economics.

• 2008 financial crisis: mortgage-backed securities, credit default swaps, systemic risk, and taxpayer-funded bailouts for banks.

• Globalization: offshoring manufacturing jobs, labor exploitation, and enabling authoritarian economic dominance.

• Student loan crisis: skyrocketing tuition costs, predatory lending, and framing student loans as “good debt.”

• Federal Reserve policies: dismissing inflation concerns as “transitory,” followed by aggressive rate hikes harming the working class.

• Iraq War: promoting false WMD narratives and supporting costly interventionism.

Democracy promotion: disastrous nation-building efforts in Afghanistan and Libya, creating failed states.

• China’s WTO accession: failed predictions of political liberalization and enabling techno-authoritarianism.

• COVID-19 pandemic: inconsistent public health messaging, dismissal of alternative virus origin theories, and corporate profiteering by Big Pharma.

• Opioid crisis: endorsing aggressive opioid marketing, leading to widespread addiction and overdose deaths.

• Climate change solutions: ineffective carbon credits, cap-and-trade schemes, and over-reliance on unproven technologies.

• Big Tech promises: monopolistic practices, surveillance capitalism, and algorithm-driven disinformation.

• Cryptocurrency: volatile, speculative investments marketed as revolutionary.

• Artificial intelligence: biased algorithms and perpetuation of surveillance and inequality.

• Meritocracy myth: reinforcing inequality while ignoring systemic biases.

• Identity politics: symbolic gestures of representation without addressing economic justice or systemic inequalities.

• Weapons of mass destruction: intelligence failures used to justify the Iraq War.

• Market-based climate solutions: prioritizing corporate-friendly policies over systemic environmental reform.

• Pandemic responses: overemphasis on corporate profits at the expense of consistent and transparent public health strategies.

Let me know if you’d like to add more points or specific phrasing!

The Great Firesale

Raw, Pure and Uncut Edition

I think one of the most salient points of Donald Trump is that with him you’re entitled to your own reality, even if it doesn’t have a shred to do with the real world. It’s a carnival of subjective truths, a free-for-all where every lie is valid as long as it sells. Meanwhile, the Democrats, in their infinite arrogance, insisted, No, no, no—you’re only entitled to our reality, the one stamped and approved by exiled blue-check experts and focus groups. 

Republicans? They understand chaos better: “Sure,” they said, “make your own reality. Believe what you want—deep state conspiracies, flat earth, whatever. Just hand us the keys to the car.” And when they inevitably wreck it? They point a crooked finger across the aisle and say, “Well, this is all the Democrats’ fault. It’s their reality…If they hadn’t made such a mess of the road, we wouldn’t have crashed in the first place.”

It’s the ultimate grift. The GOP weaponizes the freedom to believe in nonsense, turning every delusion into a scapegoat, while the Dems can’t decide whether to play the authoritarian nanny or the out-of-touch moralist. Either way, the car’s already wrapped around a tree, and the passengers are too busy arguing over whose imaginary map was better to notice the engine’s on fire.

And there it is—the American experiment reduced to a flaming wreck, spewing smoke and lies into the stratosphere while the whole carnival grinds on, a lunatic parade of suckers and charlatans. This is no longer politics; this is full-contact psychosis, a vicious blood sport where facts are just another sucker bet at the midway. Somewhere out there, Thomas Jefferson is clawing at the inside of his coffin, desperate to escape this three-ring hellscape of spineless bureaucrats and shotgun-wielding yokels.

It wasn’t the Republicans only who wrecked the car, not at first anyway. No, the establishment, that greasy bipartisan machine of think tankers and beltway lifers, had already sent it careening off the road years ago. Endless wars, gutted factories, financial crises swept under the rug with taxpayer cash—it was a demolition derby run by Ivy League technocrats who swore they knew better. By the time the wreck hit the ditch, the wheels were already coming off, and the smell of burnt oil was everywhere.

And that’s when a new breed of Republicans showed up, smelling opportunity like vultures on a fresh carcass. Just like the old GOP, they didn’t bother fixing the thing; hell no. They climbed in, took a few joyrides to squeeze out the last fumes in the tank, then jumped ship and started stripping it for parts. Tax cuts for the rich? That’s a door panel. Deregulation? That’s a catalytic converter. Social programs? Rip out the wiring and sell it for scrap. Meanwhile, they kept shouting, “It’s the Democrats! They drove it into the ditch!” while quietly pocketing the proceeds from every stolen bolt and stripped gasket.

But the Democrats weren’t innocent bystanders either. No, they were the ones who’d been insisting all along that they had the only map to drive by—the map approved by the consultants, printed on glossy focus-group paper, with no room for detours or dirty roads. They refused to admit they were lost, even as the car swerved wildly between lanes, plunging deeper into disaster. When the crash came, they stood there shell-shocked, yelling at the passengers to believe harder in their reality. “It wasn’t our map,” they insisted. “It was the wrong kind of roads! It was sabotage!”

And so here we are—nothing left but the wreckage and the scavengers. The Republicans are already halfway down the highway, hauling a trailer full of stripped parts and pilfered dreams. The Democrats? Still standing at the crash site, arguing over who’s more qualified to file the insurance claim. The establishment itself? It’s the guy who owned the car dealership, chuckling from a safe distance while signing off on another lease to some new sucker who doesn’t realize they’ve just bought a lemon.

The tragedy, of course, is that the car—the great American jalopy—was ours. It belonged to the people. But the people never even got to drive it. We just sat in the back seat, watching the madness unfold, while the grifters and opportunists took turns behind the wheel, laughing all the way to the bank. And now we’re left walking, miles from anywhere, with nothing but the memory of what could’ve been and the faint hope we’ll stumble across something better down the road.

Trump didn’t just break the machine—no, the bastard hot-wired it, ran it straight into a ditch, then sold tickets to the aftermath. “Come one, come all,” he roared, “to the greatest freak show on Earth! Bring your alternative facts, your rage, your pathetic little grievances! Everything is true, and nothing is real!” And the people ate it up, gnawing at the bones of their own sanity, frothing at the mouth for another taste of that sweet, uncut chaos.

Meanwhile, the Cheney Democrats stood slack-jawed on the sidelines, wringing their hands and clutching their precious rulebooks like priests at a Satanic orgy. How did things hot so messed up, they ask themselves. They tried to sell order and I-rationality to a mob hopped up on conspiracy Kool-Aid, and when that failed, they turned to sanctimony—like lecturing a junkie while he’s shooting up. “Don’t you see?” they pleaded. “You’re ruining I-democracy!” But the crowd just laughed, drunk on the absurdity of it all, and kept tossing lit matches at the gasoline.

And the new Republican shock troops—microwaved with a side of Benzedrine, peddling shock therapy, the last refuge of the damned. They’ve got the playbook open, scribbled on vodka-stained napkins from Boris Yeltsin’s favorite dacha. It’s the greatest firesale since the gutting of the Soviet Union, and these new Republicans are salivating at the thought. The blueprint is clear: turn the wreckage of America into a smoldering playground for oligarchs, a gleaming casino where the house always wins and the only currency left is desperation.

No, these grinning bastards are in the ring, gleefully spraying kerosene on the bonfire. They know the con better than anyone, know exactly how to ride the wave of madness all the way to the bank. “Keep screaming,” they whisper to the mob, “keep tearing it all down. We’ll be over here, looting the coffers while you fight over scraps of the truth.”

The establishment got us into the ditch, but these grinning vultures? They’re not just scavenging for parts—they’re gearing up to sell off the whole thing, piece by piece, at a steep discount to the highest bidder. Public lands? Auctioned off to oil magnates and real estate speculators. Social Security? Privatized and handed over to hedge funds. Education? Gutted, then sold back to the people as a subscription service. They’ll package the whole damn thing into some slick PowerPoint, call it “freedom,” and laugh all the way to the Cayman Islands.

And the mob? Oh, the mob doesn’t even know they’re the merchandise. Keep them distracted, keep them screaming, keep feeding them delusions of grandeur while the real theft happens in the shadows. “Yes, yes,” the Republicans whisper, their voices dripping with practiced sincerity, “you’re taking your country back. Believe what you want—deep state, stolen elections, pedophile pizza parlors—it’s all true if it makes you feel righteous.” Meanwhile, they’re gutting the place so fast the walls don’t even have time to crumble.

The Democrats, bless their hearts, are still trying to play hall monitor in a school that’s already burned to the ground. They’re busy scolding the mob for not wearing their seatbelts while the Republicans are hotwiring the firetruck. “This isn’t how democracy works,” they cry, clutching their policy briefs as if reason will somehow stop the looting. But the Republicans don’t care about democracy—they care about the spoils. They’re oligarchs in training, tearing down the old house so they can sell the rubble at a premium.

And this is where the real tragedy lies: the people. The people who were promised a seat at the table, only to find out they were the table all along. Their pensions? Gone. Their homes? Repossessed and flipped for profit. Their futures? Leased back to them at usurious rates. It’s not just a con—it’s a goddamn heist, the greatest transfer of wealth since the fall of the USSR, and the mark isn’t just the working class; it’s the entire American experiment.

So now we stand at the edge of the bonfire, the flames licking higher, the air thick with smoke and lies. The new Republicans are already counting their winnings, their hands greasy with the spoils of chaos. The Democrats are still clutching at their maps, lost in their own hubris, unable to understand why no one’s following them. And the rest of us? We’re left staring into the inferno, wondering how much longer it will burn—and whether there will be anything left to salvage when it’s all over.

The great American road trip is over, my friend. The engine’s blown, the tires are slashed, and the map’s been torn to shreds by rabid partisans. All that’s left now is the long, slow burn of a country too stubborn to admit it’s already dead in the water. And somewhere in the distance, you can hear the faint, maniacal laughter of a nation that sold its soul for the promise of winning.

Motorik

The machine starts slow, a hum. No, a growl. Wheels spinning on the autobahn—rubber burning under tungsten lights. Motorik. They called it motorik. Not a rhythm. Not a beat. A state of being. Steady as a morphine drip, endless as the static on a dead radio channel.

This is where it started: Germany, post-war, the bones of a nation ground to rubble. And what rises from the wreckage? A sound. A pulse. A rhythm so cold, so precise it becomes human in its sheer audacity. Neu! was the first transmission, like intercepted alien code: “Hallogallo,” looping, driving, a hypnotic engine with no destination. Just forward motion. Keep going, they said. Just keep going.

But what exactly is motorik? It’s built on a relentless 4/4 time signature, the tempo locked at a steady 120-130 beats per minute—just fast enough to suggest urgency but slow enough to hold you in its trance. The snare drum lands squarely on every second and fourth beat of the measure, a metronomic precision that never falters. The kick drum drives on the one and three, anchoring the rhythm in place like steel beams holding up a skyscraper. Meanwhile, the hi-hat ticks along in eighth notes—tsss-tsss-tsss-tsss—a ceaseless whisper of motion, like wheels spinning on asphalt.

The secret lies in its neutrality. The motorik beat isn’t busy; it doesn’t swing, shuffle, or call attention to itself. There’s no syncopation, no flourish. Unlike rock ‘n’ roll’s tendency to hit hard on the backbeat, motorik is evenly spaced, creating a sense of endless propulsion. The repetition hypnotizes, locking you into the groove until you lose track of time. Yet within that simplicity lies a world of subtlety: ghost notes on the snare, slight variations in dynamics, the way the hi-hat breathes as it opens and closes. It’s mechanical, yes, but it’s also alive—a machine with a pulse.

Jaki Liebezeit, Can’s mad scientist behind the kit, said motorik wasn’t about rigidity but flow. “Play monotonously,” he said, “but not boring.” In technical terms, his cymbals and toms often created polyrhythms against the motorik core, giving the music a shifting, kaleidoscopic feel. Neu!’s Klaus Dinger, by contrast, stripped his drumming to bare essentials, playing like a human drum machine, his rhythms as stark as an empty highway.

And if you let it, if you really let go, that’s when motorik takes you. It pulls you down into its endless spiral, past time, past thought, past self. The steady beat doesn’t just hypnotize—it erases. No choruses to guide you, no verses to land on, just that steady thump-thump-thump until you’re no longer walking through the world but floating above it. It’s not a trip; it’s a trance. A state where you and the machine become one, where the motion inside you syncs perfectly with the motion outside. It’s the heartbeat of infinity, the soundtrack of forever, and once you’re in, you’re in. You might not come back the same.

But this beat doesn’t belong to Germany. Doesn’t belong to anyone. Motorik is everywhere—hidden in the loops of hip-hop, the grooves of Afrobeat, the endless roads of Americana. It’s the rhythm of freight trains rattling across the plains, of the assembly line, of blood pulsing through your veins. It’s the beat behind the beat, the whisper in the static.

You see, motorik doesn’t demand your attention. It doesn’t scream. It doesn’t beg. It just is. And that’s what makes it dangerous. It’s always moving forward. Relentless. Quiet. If you listen too long, you’ll forget where you are. You’ll forget who you are. And maybe that’s the point.

Music’s always been about escape, hasn’t it? But motorik isn’t escape. It’s motion. Pure, uncut motion. It keeps going whether you’re on the train or left behind at the station. Call it a rhythm. Call it a mantra. Call it the sound of the machine age swallowing its own tail.

Motorik is the pulse of modernity. The rhythm of repetition. The hum of survival. It’s not music; it’s a virus. A beautiful, terrible virus. And if you’re lucky, you’ll catch it.

Now hit play and start moving. You’ve got nowhere to go, but you can’t stop getting there.